A Taste Of Light...

Probably the worst part about depression is the brief lulls of lucidity and "happiness" that sometimes interrupt the melancholy and sadness. Like wandering around in a dark room and getting a brief glimpse of light. You wonder where it came from and enjoy it, but at the same time it's so blinding that you don't know what to do with it. Then...it's gone. Just like that as quickly as it came.  

Moments like that tease you, giving you a small taste of what a normal, happy person feels like. In many ways it would be better if these moments never came, because it only makes you realize what you're missing and then the subsequent depression comes back even harder. 
Tuva Tuva
31-35, M
9 Responses Jun 19, 2011

Yeah, I've heard of the treatment. Unfortunately, once again, I'm one of the "lucky" ones who's depression is probably not severe enough to warrant it. So basically I'm stuck in the "middle" suffering from this at a functional level while not being bad off enough to get a referral to have t done to me. FML...

Yeah, it's those times when you either try to completely forget about your depression and just enjoy the happiness, or you're waiting for it to come screaming back at you, but you never know when it will happen. That's the worst feeling; the feeling of fear and impending doom.

@Rune: No you're right. It's not that I don't enjoy them when they are happening, but in the back of my mind, I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop and for it to end. Sometimes it lasts a whole day, other times only an hour. Never sure how long it's going to last. 

I understand what you are saying Tuva but it is the other way around for me. Those are the moments I crave when I am in deep depression. Yes, those moments do cause the depression to feel that much worse and they are a total tease. To me it is nice to feel normal for a bit though.

Yeah, too bad it wasn't backwards like a lot of people get to feel. Like when they get to say that they're feeling a little "sad", but then are better soon after. If only everyone could be like that. :/

I recognise that so much... it is hell... it would be better if it were the other way around, having glimpses of the dark while mainly living in happiness... but i haven't found out yet how to accomplish that... hang on...

I'm with you...

Well, that's how I feel when I'm in one of those good moods. Like I'm wandering around in a dream, wondering when I'm going to wake up. 

Yes I know what you mean. My dreams can be like that sometimes. I experience happiness until I wake up to reality. It's very disappointing.