I Deeply Love My Husband Who Have Severe Depression

Hi my name is Nerissa. I am 34 years old and I am married for 4 years. I met my husband 5 years ago. I did know that he have depression, but I thought that depression can go away when you are happy and everything goes well. But I guess I see in that way b/c I never experience bad childhood and I did have a norma happy life when I grow up. So, i thought you can get very sad and be depress and then come back to normal. So, when I see my husband struggle so much I didn't understand the grade of toll that take to have a severe depressio. He is the most generous man and kind. My love for him has been growing every day more. He is also can be a happy person and enjoy life. But when he going down......everyone going down with him. He can said the most hurtfull words that you can imagine and sometimes I believe them. But I try to tell my self this is not your huband talk... this is the depression talk. Things are getting worse for him and its broke my heart. He have diabetes too and the doctor told him that he doesn't take control he can die in less than 5 years. I guess this took the biggest toll in his life. He wants to leave me, b/c he feel that I deserve much better tha him and I should not have to deal with this and see him die. I have been living hell in the las couples day, b/c I don't know how to stop his self destruction. He barely talk to me only to tell me if you don't leave i will leave. he told me that he doesn't love me and don't feel the same thing. we are not different people and we are not compatible. the list go on.....I live so afraid that one day i will come home and he will not be there anymore. i feel hopeless and I wish i can take his pain away, but i can't. i love him deeply and i am only want to help him. i feel that i can't do anything right by his eyes and he will judge my good intentions. its hurt so much that he feel that i don't love him. the truth is that i want to be in his side until the end and want to take care of him not matter what happend. i wish he can understand that he is not a burden and i am willing want to stay with him. when I did my vow in the hall i promise to love him in the bad and good times. but i don't know how to stop him to leave. i try no to get him mad or do something wrong, b/c i am trying to avoid he abandon me. i feel that this depression took the man that i married and don't want to give him back. I pray everyday that god do no allow him to go. I know he needs me and I need him, but i don't know what to do. Please help.
nveilleux nveilleux
2 Responses Aug 30, 2011

remind him of your vows. in sickness and in health til death do us part. Tell him you value your vows, and even though he is sick it doesn't change the love you have for him. It seems like he doesnt want you to grieve for him if he dies. He doesn't want to cause you so much pain. Let him know you are prepared for anything and are willing to stand by him through anything. If he takes his medicine and eats healthier he can live a long life. You can also get a second oppinoin by another doctor. But for now he just needs to live healthier and make sure he takes his insulin shots. <br />
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I wish you both the best.<br />
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Many Blessings,<br />
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If he's not in therapy, go to marriage counseling. Perhaps when he sees that there is an environment where he can discuss things without feeling judged, then he will be comfortable going to therapy consistently and his moods will probably improve.<br />
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I find that when I have no one to talk to about my depression, it worsens.