I Have Discovered I'm Depressed Because Of My Sexless Marriage

All I want to do is Sleep....this way I don't have to deal with all the crap in my life, such as a marriage that is sexless for years!! and nothing to do with any medical concerns being the reason why.

I have decided to try personal counselling again, this will hopefully light the dark hallway I call my life. I cant sleep my life away, I will need more than what I'm doing right now. This is really such a horrible feeling......I will keep posting as the journey begins.

prettybirdz prettybirdz
31-35, F
5 Responses Nov 5, 2011

I understand completely the NEED to just accept that this is part of your life but it takes an endless amount of energy to maintain that state of mind, and this in itself detracts from the energy needed to get through the days.<br />
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“For better or for worse, in sickness and in health” these marriage vows were spoken during a time of happiness, and everlasting hope for the future, when all was right with your world. <br />
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Talking the talk and walking the walk is completely different. <br />
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I do not wish to cause controversy but this has to be an individual choice, because whose health are we talking about. The cared for or the Carer. Sometimes as Carers we give too much. We give at the cost of our own health and well being and then we end up with 2 people that need caring for.<br />
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When I said back in 2005 that I had no choice other than to stay with my husband as his Carer I was told I still had a choice – the fact that I didn’t like the other choice didn’t mean I could discount it as an option. <br />
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So the decision to stay then became ‘My choice’ and that gave me control over my life, which means I also chose to stay in my prison.<br />
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I do hope this helps.<br />

PB, counselling is a very effective tool. Please be sure you have the right counsellor for you. If you find you are not helped by him/her or if you feel uncomfortable (beyond the normal discomfort of revealing yourself) then find someone who better suits you.<br />
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Have you started on your Exit Plan? As Baz says, you do not need to implement it - just to have it as a tool in your tool kit for coping.<br />
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Your seven year old WILL be fine if you separate - in fact IMO it is much better NOT to "stay together for the kids". As people have said in your ILIASM story, this actually teaches our beloved children that this is what marriage looks like. I'm pretty certain you DON'T want your daughter to end up in a similar relationship . . . !

Hi Prettybirdz<br />
I get the sense that you somehow feel that it is your fault. I am glad that you have decided to return to counselling, you need the time, space and opportunity to explore your own thoughts and feelings around this situation and how best you can move forward. I hope that you can find the correct path for your journey. Best wishes x

I know something of that feeling (see my stories) and had a long period of depression. I'm still in my sexless marriage caring for my stroke survivor wife. However I feel I am moving forward - from taking more control partly from doing things like NLP and also as a result of talking to people via EP. I've realised that I was allowing the caring and the sexless marriage to dominate me and in control. Now I'm taking control of what I can with the sexless marriage etc being relegated to being just part of the environment I live in.<br />
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I feel the feelng of being dominated by things you can't control is a big factor in causing depression. Steve Covey tells the story of a woman who came up to him at the end of one of his lectures. She told him about how awful her life was working all the time for a miserable man who she had to care for and how angry his lecture was making her. Then she went on to say, she suddenly realised that however the miserable man made her feel she didn't have to feel that way and how she was no longer going to allow him to control her feelings. She might have to carry on doing the job, but she was going to be in control of her feelings. <br />
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To some extent this is what I'm doing in caring for my wife. It works a lot of the time and I'm still working on getting better at it. I'm also working on doing more with other people outside the home and over the web. It's keeping me going and strengthening me. You have a greatness about you and I will you to keep the flame going by doing things that fan it - rather than allowing others and their impact on you to smother it. <br />
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So I shall be pleased to read other comments to come and respond.

I can understand that what you are dealing with as a caregiver must be exhausting to say the least. It is not an ideal world, however when the vows we all took "for better or for worse" is an understandably under spoken truth in your situation.
We have created our own prison per say.......it's just looking for the key to unlock the door to get out.
thank you for your insight it really means alot

I'm so sorry to hear that. If I had a wife, we would have sex at least twice a week.

When you find a wife....hold true to that!