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My "dark" Friend

I wake up in the morning and before I can open my eyes I know that its there. The covers are heavy with sweat from nightmares I'll never remember. I inhale deeply through my nose, it must have woken it up.
"Good night sleep?" it asks.
"You know it wasn't."
I can hear it try to suppress it's laughter. I rub my eyes forcing them open, I lay there trying to find enough strength hidden deep inside me to drive myself through at least one more day. It feel's like I've been here for an hour, but the clock says its only been five minutes. Just what I need, another long day.
When I have enough strength to finally sit myself upright I'm reminded of the physical toll my body goes through carrying my "friend" around everyday. My neck hurts, my back hurts, my shoulders hurt.
"You know if you didn't complain so much, people might actually like you," says the old familiar voice. The only thing I can think to say is, "Yeah you're probably right." It usually is, I've given up arguing with it a long time ago.
I look around my room seeing small mounds of dirty laundry, I've been to tired or maybe to lazy to do anything about them. "Maybe if you feel even more sorry for yourself the clothes might magically clean themselves!" I hear it trying to suppress more laughter, but it doesn't do quite as good a job of it this time. I find the cleanest clothes I can and put them on taking a quick look in the mirror, I'm not sure why. "Hey now, that's a handsome looking fella." I sigh and roll my eyes, this time it doesn't feel a need to try and stifle its laughter.
My "friend" has a very special gift, he's had it as long as I can remember. He can tell what people are thinking just by looking at them. It's incredible. I'm walking down the street when I notice someone walking at me, I put my fake smile and wish him a good morning. He walks right past me, unacknowledged. "Do you think he wants to spend even a second of his day on you? He can't be bothered with you." I continue down the street when I see coffee shop on the corner and my stomach begins to rumble. I haven't eaten in about a day or so. Not because I don't have any food or money, just no desire or energy. I order a muffin and get some tea, as I'm waiting I see a pretty girl reading the paper with her coffee.
"Go and talk to her, you two have a lot in common," my "friend" whispers in my ear.
"We do?" I ask, "what could we have in common?"
"Lot's," it says, "You both think that your an ugly, worthless, waist of space."
Again my friend makes no attempt to hide its laughter. I don't know why I even leave the house anymore. I just want to curl up into a tight ball and never move again, never be seen again. I go and do things I thought were fun, that might make me happy, but they never do. Fed up and torn down I turn off all the lights and sink into the couch. My eyes water and my throat burns as I try and swallow all of my emotions.
"Spending the night alone? Again?" My "dark" friend asks.
"You know that I am."
"You'll always have me," it says with a smile.
"I know," I say, "I know."
WhyBother22 WhyBother22 22-25, M 24 Responses Nov 6, 2011

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What makes him your friend. Perhaps by having him as a friend, you don't have to face the more common human relations problems that you would normally face. News "friends" cause uncertainty. This "friend", you may not like him but you know him. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't.

I'd like to be your friend :) no one should feel as you do, i'm sorry.

My frienddont know if u will take this seriously but the bible says righteousness peace and joy in the holy ghost i dealt with o c d and depression by letting GOD in my life try reading battlefield of the mind by Joyce Meyer bless you

Our minds fight against us Thats why sometimes you havee 1000thoughts good and bad and its like our work is to pick up only the good ones and ignore the bad ones.Our brains picks and stores every bit piece of our daily encounters which some might not be that well too good to remember.If you confront this voice and turn the game make it powerless the way it does you will discover that you are the master of the game and you make the rules of the game. If you enpower it it will continue to destroy you.Its a matter of standing and telling it you have had enough of it and its time you make your own decision you dont need someone to control you.

nice read, very stephen Kingesque

nicely done

i've had that same voice that u talk about, everyday it put me down, dragged me down until i almost gave into it. then one night i sat in bed and asked it what it wanted. did it want to see me kill myself? did it want me to spend the rest of my life in this personal hell? and what exactly was the point of it? I confronted the voice, I know that i still have problems, ups and way down days, but the voice is silent, not tucked away, but dead, gone and hasn't come back. the feeling was great, hold on, find your will and confront it and drive it away.

You make the mistake of empowering and giving "it" a personality etc. It is ONLY YOUR thoughts that create this misery. DO you understnd that? It's not an external force and you haven't been possessed. It's your own brain producing this.<br />
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Do you see a doctor? Do you have treatment?

It may be "ONLY YOUR" thoughts creating his misery, but if you have ever been in his shoes and felt the way he did, you would have a little more understanding of the situation he is describing. It is something that takes over your normal thought process and you can't clearly define that it is yourself creating this hell for yourself. All you know is there is this shadow or cloud or dark presence, always there and waiting. Real or imaginary, it is no less difficult to handle.

wow you really have a way with words, i actually wanted to read on and see if life can get better, it seems to happen in books all the time. i spend most of my time reading books, immersed in other people's lives. a form of escape, but when the story ends i want to keep on living it. i feel sad that i'm no longer a part of their life.<br />
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you have a real talent for story telling.<br />
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I hope that every day you do wake up, it would be such a waste otherwise. i find myself confined to my room practically all day. but i haven't yet reached the point of not wanting to wake up. I definately nderstand your dark friend, i think everyone has one and some are just better at ignoring it.<br />
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please don't give up, your too great, i try to think that life has to get better. or easier, i'm still waiting though and i still have hope.

I think we share an acquaintance...Too bad he can't be "run out of town before sundown"...Thanks for sharing, you have described "the dark one" so well.....

beautiful.

your friend gets around!

nice

When I became a young teen, my mother warned me about the "Dark Rose's". She simply described a woman who will appear nice and heavenly, beautiful and sweet as the Orchid, but as wicked as the Beasts of Hades. She said; Beware of this attraction, as the inside of her is the Darkest Dream you shall ever dread. She was right! I saw, I fell in love, and if it not been for my daughter from my first wife, I would not been alive today. I had not been feeling well for some time, so she began to ask many questions, and demanded I go to the ER. Tests showed I was being poisoned. This was the greatest heartbreak of my life. I have never married again. The "Dark Rose" is nearly impossible to resist, and easy to forgive. I often wondered, if she came to me and apologized, would I take her back. My daughter advised, not ever, or I would loose her for being stupid! The Dark Rose is the Black Widow. The draw of the Dark Rose is explained by Poe, in his Poem "The Raven"! You can't get the thought of you attraction

Your amazing, and rough times are SO hard.......and i cant say ask for jesus' help because i dont believe in him.....but strength isnt praying to jesus or finding someone to tell you your amazing, its realizing that there is something you can do that might help others AND yourself. sometimes its hard to do both. Be strong <3

Thank you. I really found your way of desc<x>ription intersting and very real. <br />
Hang in there and know many many people know your situation and feel your pain.<br />
Have you tried Meditation and/or Yoga? <br />
After much medication and pain these are some of the only things that work - for me.

Uhhmm I think I have one too at home, great written

It's a very nice story!...But I think the one you called "dark" friend is an evil thing! He can tell what he wants you to think, in order for him to drain your energy out, until you give into him. I dont have any dark friend with me, and I don't want to have one...but it seems though, I was caught in so called depression thing. Wanted to spend times alone, and feeling happy doing things alone. This attitude is something I hate, but I cant help it!

That story was awesome as it hit home, now if i could get the monster off my back! But in my case its society thats the monster! Awesome writing and reading.

This is the first time I ever read something you posted (random story). So to be honest, I have no inkling as to where this story comes from. But that "dark" friend of yours lingers in my life and did the same things mentioned here. In that sense, I can relate. And I'm not quite sure what that says about me, or you, or anyone except that it's a very fitting piece of writing...

Its nice to know that I'm not alone, brought a tear to my eye..

You described it perfectly.

You really do have a way with words.

I enjoyed reading your story, you have a talent for writing. Empathy.