Written on December 15th, 2011
i have major depressive disorder, been on anti-depressants for 16 years, most notably effexor for the last 8. weaned myself off effexor. physically it was awful but i did it. now it has been about a month and a half and depression has slowly crept right back in. or i think that's what it is. i am confused if this is depression or me just not knowing how to deal without any medication. i am not suicidal. if i have bad thoughts i am logical enough to know they are just stupid thoughts. but the anxiety is so bad. racing thoughts, many what if scenarios running in my head and fear and doubt. i cry a lot or on the verge of. but i feel myself struggling to fight it and i want to fight it, but i just don't know how much i can do. trying 5-htp, omega-3, vitamin d, b complex and exercising about 3x a week. what has it been like for anyone who has come off them for as long as i have been on them? is this just my brain re-adjusting? or do i just need to accept i will always be depressed without medication and go back on it? i have people in my life to support me through this but no one who has been through it. please share if you have.