Comes And Goes

Depression is something everyone has felt at one time or another. Some more than others. I have been battling depression since the seventh grade. I didn't get help until my senior year of high school. I don't know how I made it that long by myself. It probably messed me up a lot. I can't tell. I feel like I don't belong with society today but I'm not going to just stay in seclusion or anything like that. I went to phycologists and was told to take some meds. Those didn't help me. I'm sure they help some people but for me it just didn't work. I have a lot to say but I don't ever want it o seem like I'm just whining or complaining or anything. I don't want to be on EP to do that or try and get attention or anything. It's good to be able to share something with some anonymity and maybe have someone with similar thoughts, feelings or experiences be able to read this. It comes and goes. Some days are worse than others, way worse. I only make it today because I now know I am not alone. The first step was definitely the hardest but even though it is a long, hard and taxing battle I know I am not alone. No one is ever truly alone. I do not rely on the people around me to control my depression. I just know they are here for me if I need them. People care. I don't want people to think nobody cares. I care. I don't want anyone to go through what I went through. I am constantly gaining and losing ground in this fight for my sanity and well-being. But I am better than I used to be. That is a start. I don't expect my depression to go away. I am happy that I do not revolve my life around the idea that I need to go self harm or be destructive or to go die anymore. My story is a long one, anyone that is interested I suppose I can tell them. I just want people to know they are not alone...I don't know...I'm in a weird mood today. Sorry if I wasted anyone's time and if you are upset that you just read this or if I offended anybody. I just wanted to put something up before I left for work today.
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4 Responses Dec 30, 2011

that's depression for ya. i went through it and i'm not "depressed" anymore, but i still see signs of it now and then. it takes effort not to fall back into it as well as getting out of it.

you are not alone, i was first diognosed with major depressiv disorder,later bipolar, i saw a psychatrist who really helped i als got myself in to alot of therepy, been on meds for 7 years a few dident work, but i stuck it out, i had to, i dident want to go back to the way i once felt, i was alcholic for years just to deal with the emotial pain of my depression, i dident think anyone could possibly feel the way i did, i was suicidal, and was very misrable all the time, i was in denile and insisted i was alright, i always felt that way ( misarable ) so i had nothing to compare it to, it was worth it for me to contiue my treatment, i still see the same psychiatist, and do alot of group therapy, everyone is just like me, some better some worse, i have worked very hard to get to this point i am now 50 years old, you are young, seek more help you will find some one. treatment centers are very helpful, stick it out, because your worth it<br />
we all are<br />
i have written 2 or 3 stories about my depression go read them

It's fine I don't really think you're wasting anybody's time as I choose to read your story by my own will and I appreciate your share. :)

Wow.. I haven't met a guy this strong. I admit you for writing this. I also suffer from depression and my story is similar to yours but I won't let it get me anymore. No more. I take mess and they slightly help but I know how it is to not be on them. I have only been taking the meds for 3 months now. I felt ashamed but not anymore. Thank You for sharing!!! :)