My Dad Is A Bully...

He is so negative about everything and anything. He complains about everyone. I never tell him anything of my business much anymore because all he does is shoot me down. He tells me I am a mooch like my brother because of not having a job. It's not like I have not been looking! I don't know where else to fill applications anymore...I'm lost.

It's not just that though. Every time I do anything music related; singing, playing the piano, or practicing my sight singing. He makes fun of it constantly!! And it's like as if my singing and piano playing could be the worse thing to hear! My voice is not awful. And my piano playing isn't that bad for a beginner and I'm not planning on being a concert pianist! I'm a freakin' vocal major!! And he doesn't get what I am doing and he never will!! I not only have to practice but I want to! And until I go back to school and am able to use a practice room I have to manage here at home for now and use the 60 year old piano that is in dire need of repair and practice my voice in my room where its dry.

I'm sick of the constant badgering. It hurts so much when he does it.
LuciaRose LuciaRose
31-35, F
5 Responses Jan 7, 2012

It is a sick cycle these people get you wrapped up in. To prey on others to build themselves up to feel they have power is true weakness. My father is literally a dictator. I am from california born and raised but my father was from Colombia. Being of some macho belief that women are sex objects and are lower than men, he despises strong independent women. I feel as if I was raised in a paradox of American ideals for freedom and a home jail of constant spiritual oppression living in some 3rd world mindset. While I was the most emotionally outward in the family I was attacked the most by my father to break me. I had no support from my mother who acted as another child in the family because she couldn't deal with his emotional abuse. My father is the type of bully that would see you smiling and have to ask why, in a mean demanding manner. he spared no expense to insult, degrade, and attack every last piece of a person's core. He never once took responsibility, apologized, heck he doesn't even think he is at fault. He could literally kill a person by draining them of all sound desire to thrive, i.e my mother. Who remained unemotionless for my entire life and just this last year is suffering from a life threatening depression.I recently had it out with him, because I am tired of this BS having to caudle the monster.To the outside world most people see him as abrupt and eccentric, but to those that know him he is a sick bullying monster with the smile and manipulation of a con man. If these people all had to live under one roof they would go insane, it would be survival of the sickest. The breed of these kind of people is a disease.

Well I'm sure there's 2 sides to this story and seeing as your father is not here to defend himself I'll resist the urge to bash him and instead tell you a little about my own relationship with my mother.<br />
She is spiteful , short tempered and angry most of the time, and I've come to realise she is never going to change regardless of how much I try to pacify her. <br />
Some people just are how they are and will never really change, so it's all about how you deal with it in your own head. Either learn to tolerate it or remove him from your life as much as possible (some people are poison )

I've learned to deal. It's just a sacrifice I have to make do with; especially since this is the path I really want.

He has been a little less mean since he actually seen me sing one of my solo pieces this Spring. But I still can never talk to him about music because he just doesn't get it.

That's right, negative people enjoy tearing those around them down. Its their way of making themselves feel better. They really don't care how it affects you (or they wouldn't do it). In his opinion he's trying to make you a better person (I don't know, I'm just guessing). <br />
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It is just better to let him think he has control over your mind & not really let him in. If he wants to know about your business be vague or lie. You can practice outdoors @ a park, especially during the day when most people are working. You won't be able to always have the best conditions (humid) yet you'll be away from him & his negativity. <br />
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Finally, since you're not able to find work and you're a vocal major, why not consider an internship or just volunteer work in something related to your studies. When you're young its much easier to get this kind of unpaid work than when you're older. Plus you could always add it to your resume. It may be considered in the future as valuable knowledge gained.

Your dad will never change. You will never be able to make him happy, so why try? Just make your self happy and don't worry about what anyone else thinks, you are the only one who can live your life...I learned that a long time ago that no matter what choices I make, I have to live with the consequences...

It's not about you. It's about him. He is a very unhappy man, and finds pleasure in tearing other people down because it makes him feel not so broken. I've dealt with people like this before. You won't win with him. Concentrate on what makes you happy. I pretend there's a shield between me and the relatives who treat me that way. I hide behind the clear plastic shield and even though I see and hear what they say, I don't let it hit my body or my soul. In the end, I walk away. Tell your dad in a letter, but don't expect any positive feedback. That way you at least know you tried, and that it was HIS decision not to hear you.

Thanks for the support. It's hard when you still live with him though. But I know I can't really seek for his approval anymore. If I had a job things might be different.

He is toxic to you and a miserable human being. Misery loves company and I had just such a father. RUN and change it or stay and accept it. 'NUFF SAID!