Ive Battled Depression Symptoms Since I Was Twelve

my symptoms appeared when i was about  twelve  yrs  old started mildly with crying and feeling like i didnt fit in ...   when i was thirteen i quit eating ... i thought maybe if i lost weight i would be more accepted ...  then i went through a cutting phase it lasted about four yrs ...  i tried to overdose once and i cut myself pretty much on a daily basis ... then i turned to drugs for  about two yrs ...  well probably like three when i turned seventeen .. i started hanginout with  olderpeople and started sleeping around pretty much i thought i had to to fit in ... plus the attention was great .... i now look back and realize  it was a manic episode ....  i was okay for a fewyrs in a relationship then my sister got in a care accident and went into shock in front of me and caused me to have panic attacks ....  and then i got really depressed and seeked  counseling for the first time ...  i was in it for a little bit then i  got kicked out of my house and moved into my own place and got back into drugs again ... stopped mymeds and then eventually i moved back home ....  a  few months later the restaurant i worked at closed and a few months later i got pregant with joshua and stopped everything ...  i was doing really well  until i got married and everything came crashing down ....  i was really bad for awhile .....  i would cry all the time  and then after my last hospitalization i knew i had to leave  him  if i didnt he would mentally  breakdown to where i did to commit suicide and leave  behind two children and i would have been damned  before i would let a man do that to me ....  i started talking to him again maybe six months after i left he almost talked me into coming back and cycled me into a depression that led me into an apartment  program ...  where i sought treatment at ..... i ve  had maybe one serious episode since i left TAP and ya know what i didnt go to the hospital this time..... im learning to cope on my own .... with out the hospital setting and  i want to encourage all of you ... if your not in treatment  seek it , if you have meds take it ,  mental illness is a serious illness but its treatable ...  if i can do it you can do it !!!! and if you need help finding treatment  contact me and i will help you ....  

starstruck2xtrme starstruck2xtrme
26-30, F
2 Responses Feb 24, 2007

Wow sounds like you've had a really hard go at life...

yeah, well, I was 4 and decided I didnt like me and cried. i take meds. so anyway, then, i didnt understand why people had pretend friends at 5 then felt ashamed for other people and disgusted by them at 6, peers, most of them. i eventually was a disturbed teen and a hopeless young adult with a gruesome attempted suicide myself, but i moved way past all that. cant fathom most of it all past bits and pieces.