When You Realize....

Depressed. 

I have someone that loves me unconditionally...so why am I depressed...

Life is now just catching up with me and I cry everyday!  As bad as things seem to me, I have never resorted to taking any drugs or illegal activities.  Instead, I isolate myself from everyone that ever meant anything to me and the only person I have not shut out yet is my husband--but I think that is not going to hold out much longer.

I feel like I don't belong anywhere.  I have isolated myself so much that all of the people I used to hang out with are gone, I have pushed my own family (mom, dad, bro and sis) out of my life, I pushed the ex out and now I feel like I may push away my husband because I feel so worthless.  Once I push him away, I am sure the three kids I have--the only things that keep me breathing, will not want anything to do with me because I'll find some way to mess those relationships up as well.

I know I am not the easiest person to deal with, but I know I have some deep issues.  I have fears I never had before and I used to be the most social person in any room!  To be a complete 360, I know something is not right. 

I have not worked since 2001, but now, not being able to work is not by choice.  I used to crave so much attention that I thought I needed it to function.  I don't know. 

I know I need professional help, but when you don't have any money what do you do? 

It's too late to go back, and it's too late to go forward.  This is how I feel.

darkenedheart darkenedheart
31-35, F
3 Responses Mar 13, 2007

It sounds like you need a doctor and some anti depressants, failing that here are some tips I've found on how to battle depression. Exercise is crucial and can be as good as antidepressants - walk 1/2 hr a day, try doing some relaxation or meditation once a day, stay out of the house as much as possible, surround yourself with people and friends as much as you can no matter how you feel - you wont feel like doing any of these things but do them anyway and notice how you feel after doing them.<br />
All the best on your journey.

Hi, this my second time being on this site so I'm pretty new. The only depression I ever felt was postpartum depression after the birth of my child. I know that I felt so helpless and it didn't matter how hard I thought positive thoughts or that I kept saying ok snap out of this enough!! I would cry every single day and more than once a day. I even had to make myself eat (which now I wish I would do now) that's another whole issue, won't go there now. Honestly I don't know what your beliefs are but I prayed and I prayed hard I don't mean the get down on my knees however that is not such a bad idea but I knew that I could simply tell God or ask God WHY??? That was a source of comfort and an outlet. Thankfully I am blessed with a very understanding Husband who simply was patient. I cannot give you an answer as to what you should do but I know what I did and it helped. It helped more when I got back in the swing of things. Well I know I've rambled long enough and I'll keep you in my prayers even if you do or don't pray or believe know that you are being prayed for and I so hope that you find a way to climb out of the depression.

Too sad. Hope you'll be ok.