A Scary Event


I've been battling Depression since early 2005. The year before, Life was going great my Fiance and I where planning our wedding for Nov 04.

One day my Fiance came home from work feeling very sick, he was pale, had no energy and was in a confused state. I got him to a doctor, the doctor didn't like how my fiance looked so he put him on a heart monitor. After what seemed like forever, the doctor came back and checked the heart monitor and didn't like what he saw, so the doctor called an Ambulance and we rushed him to the Hospital.

It turned out that my Fiance has a rare and potentially life threatening heart condition. We where told when he was first admitted into hospital that he could die at anytime. He was in hospital for a long time, I practically lived at the hospital as I wanted to be there if and when it happened.

At the time we looked at having a bed side wedding at the hospital as they wouldn't let him leave. After many months and a number of tests the doctors decided that he would have 6 years to live instead of hours or months. So my fiance was allowed to go home. We carried on as usual, as well as being very cautious and careful of what activities my fiance did, as the doctors had said that he couldn't go for a jog or even run as it might put his heart into an irregular rhythm.

He also wasn't allowed to lift anything heavy. Because if his heart goes into an irregular rhythm he could black out and if left to long without treatment he would either go into a coma and die or die straight away.  So it was a very tense time. However we pushed on and we had a very beautiful wedding in Nov 04, with all our family and friends invited.

I tried to go on the next year as if everything was OK and we we're strong we'd over come this. But one day  everything inside me just collapsed and  I was very  emotional and I would cry for no reason. I couldn't make the simplest decisions like if I wanted to eat out or have dinner at home. I tried to go to work but if anyone said good morning to me I'd burst into tears. I was also feeling very scared all the time and had no motivation to do anything, I didn't even want to leave the house, I felt safest lying on my lounge at home. I didn't understand what was happening to me, as I'd always been the life of the party, always able to make everyone laugh. But I couldn't even crack a smile let alone make someone laugh! I felt like a sad clown like the one's you see in paintings.

As the way I was feeling was the complete opposite of who I was before! I became afraid that I was loosing my mind, that I was going crazy! I went to numerous doctors until I found a lady doctor who understood what I was going  through. I was put on different medications until we found one that was the right one for me. I feel like over the past few years little by little I've clawed my way back to some resemblance of what my life used to be like.

But you know what? After everything that I've gone through I don't think that I'll ever be the same person I was before I got Depression. I am better than I was back in 05, but I still get that horrible feeling every now and then that lets me know that I'm still suffering from Depression. I'm back at work and I've joined a Martial Arts group to help get my confidence back. So I'm getting there, but I'm here to tell you that there is no quick fix and it does take time to get well, but if you have family and friends to support you, than you can be well again. It took me a lot of visits to Psychologists and a lot of soul searching and meditation to get to where I am now.

But I want everyone to know that even if things look their bleakest right now, if you just stick with it  and keep on doing things to become well again you will get there! And in case you where wondering my Husband is well and working again. A heart specialist in another city told us that our local hospital had jumped the gun and it turned out that he wasn't as sick as we thought he was. He still has the heart condition, but it's being controlled with medication. Don't give up!

kungfugirl kungfugirl
26-30, F
4 Responses Apr 30, 2008

You are wonderful person. I with you and husband be together for many years

Hey kiddo!<br />
Reading your story makes me wonder if there was something that you were supposed to learn from all this? By the sounds of this, it looks like you did just that. From our other chats you have most definately become stronger and wiser. I applaud you for this. The path we all take is a lonely one. But that doesn't mean one can't lean on others for support and visa versa. We live , we learn, we pass on this learnt knowledge to others that are willing to open up and listen.<br />
Cheers!<br />

It must be pretty scary for you to think of what might or could happen in this time of challenges for you. But please have faith. You will be able to sustain strength in yourself. The person you are with, will actually bring out that brave and patient person you are becoming.

What a brave person you are! With all the stress that you have had to bear about your husband's health I am not at all surprised that you became depressed, you must have felt you were living on a knife edge.<br />
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You have clawed your way up and I congratulate you. Also it is better news about your husband, I wish you many, many happy years together.