Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

The Power Of...Oh Forget It

I began flipping channels last night and that’s always a bad sign. If I am channel surfing that can only mean one thing—I’m about to blow. For one thing I am not that crazy about prime time television. For another, I can think of about a million other things I’d rather be doing than watching it, like having sex for example, which currently is not possible for me, so if I disliked television before, now I am seriously ready to smash the thing out of frustration. But if I am so low that I am looking for something to watch, it means that I have given up on reading for the present because I cannot concentrate, so I am hoping to latch onto something that will distract me.
The other night it was Jarhead.  I have a love/hate relationship with war movies in that I am fascinated because I do not come from a military family and I have no idea what they go through, soldiers, girlfriends of soldiers, moms and dads of soldiers, so I watch because I believe that they are often true dramatizations and I need to learn about this so that I can have an understanding of what it means to go to war.
Okay fine, I have a thing for Jake Gyllenhaal. Still, I have hit rock bottom if I am watching a movie about marines because I cannot stomach most of it—what it means to be a marine. Yet there I was, mesmerized.
My goal was to convince myself that it is not that bad—that while I think I have it rough these days, there is nothing like a little war biography to make you happy to be alive and not in a war zone. By comparison I am in paradise.
I am really trying to get the whole inner peace thing in place before I go off the deep end. Jarhead didn’t help—war is hell as they say and if you are on a journey searching for the meaning of life you are certainly not going to find any answers in that genre, although someone give that guy an Oscar already. What does a man have to do?
Anyway, today I ended up online searching for inner peace tips. Wayne Dyer is hawking stuff on Tv by the way; now I am really depressed (saw that last night) and I am sick to death of the power of now nonsense, as now sucks, so enough of that. People who meditate, who can sit quietly and can concentrate on nothing? Great for them, but if a person is being pulled in a thousand different directions and they are overwhelmed with responsibility and fear and broken relationships and contemplating suicide half the time, telling them to stop and breathe and focus on the now might just end up being the tipping point if you know what I mean.
So I hit the Internet, and I came across a little gem today that might be just the thing to get this sorry *** out of the emotional hole I find myself in. Since I cannot say it better than this unknown person did (the article was not credited) I will quote:
 
“I confess that there is something perverse in my nature. Whenever I hear someone presenting an idea with unusual conviction, and I sense even a little anxiety revealed in excessive passion or the need to convince, I consider the opposite. For example, people often tell me how important it is to be in the here and now, and so I entertain the value of being in the there and then.”*
Good one.
I have been pretty happy at times in my life. I can remember those times vividly. I also plan on being happy again one day in the not-too-distant future. So, today I hereby allow myself to wallow in the past and dream of the future; the hell with right now. See? It’s gone already. Another hour down.  Since my brain is capable of storing so much, since my memories and my imagination are so readily available to me, I will sit and concentrate on what has been and what might be. It is time well spent after all.
 
 
*http://www.beliefnet.com/Health/2005/06/Stop-Thinking-About-The-Present-Moment.aspx
Quintesse Quintesse 51-55, F 16 Responses Mar 6, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

Thank you Boxy. I am better now. But man, when it hits--you're right about the chemistry. I am drug free, and I do pretty well with turning it around these days. Thanks for your thoughtful comment though. I really appreciate it.

I really like the way you write. I've been right where you are and thanks to Paxil and Wellbutrin and Nuvigil I'm able to be normal and what a pleasant change that is.<br />
<br />
You can try talking, you can try working it out, but chemistry is the most immediate and convenient way to cope with these problems...especially at our age.

Thanks you guys. I am starting, I think, to see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. It was not a fun journey, but a necessary one I guess. I am better, and I have absolutely taken every piece of advice that I have been offered, including watching YouTube videos which I hate, but, I was laughing at one point, and that is a good thing, so thank yo very much.

"The future is not some place we are going, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made. And the activity of making them changes both the maker and the destination" - John Scaar

Thank you for this. I have never read it and it helped and inspired me. You are very kind for sharing it.

I to am sick of the here and now...So I watch TCM and dream of the new life I hope to start in the hopefully near future...Thanks for sharing, I thought I was there only one dodging the here and now sales pitch.

I'm not sure if this relates to everyone and there's a good chance it won't but the best thing I ever did was surf YouTube when I was depressed. The videos are much shorter than on telly so you don't get stuck on the same shows and if your in a really **** place, people falling over is usually a good place to start. I started on dogs in shoes when I discovered my all time love for theoretical physics (this coming from a musician who plays rock gigs on a regular basis). By the sounds of it you need to find something that interests you more than turning on the TV to be disappointed by night cops and the usual crap. Try and find a new love using the biggest data distributer in the world and if you still have no luck cracking it then I'm stumped. But who the **** am I right?

I'm not sure if this relates to everyone and there's a good chance it won't but the best thing I ever did was surf YouTube when I was depressed. The videos are much shorter than on telly so you don't get stuck on the same shows and if your in a really **** place, people falling over is usually a good place to start. I started on dogs in shoes when I discovered my all time love for theoretical physics (this coming from a musician who plays rock gigs on a regular basis). By the sounds of it you need to find something that interests you more than turning on the TV to be disappointed by night cops and the usual crap. Try and find a new love using the biggest data distributer in the world and if you still have no luck cracking it then I'm stumped. But who the **** am I right?

Notsofoolish one and dancer, I am all about being in the moment actually--about feeling what needs to be felt and then moving on. This story was one evening --I am better today.<br />
But to have all of you who have commented here step up and comment and not me feel like a loser and a jerk...<br />
well that has me just about in tears today. Life is hard for some people. I have had a tough time over the past 6 months. There are going to be days, let's face it. I wish to god I could stay away from here on those days and just keep it all to myself, as I do not like to dwell on negative stuff, but sometimes it happens. I am always grateful when I slip up and there are people to catch me. I think I love you guys. <br />
Okay, Note to self: find a way to laugh---soon!<br />
Thank you all, from the bottom of...well you know.

Someone sent me this today... in the group I am looking for inner peace.

:-/

Well, I was into the second paragraph of what I thought was a deep, meaningful response when I somehow hit the wrong button (not used to the laptop) and Poof! it was gone. I don't have it in me to try and duplicated it at the moment - so suffice to say that yes, I know what you mean all too well. <br />
*hugs*

I feel you. It has happened to me when I scrolled up to check something in a story--scroll back down and poof! It is disheartening. It's the thought that counts, and I definitely appreciate the thought.

I really could go on and on about Jake. Rather under-appreciated I believe. Let me put it this way, I sat through two hours of Operation Desert Storm re-enactments just so I could watch him. It was rather unnerving, but strangely erotic. Go figure. He is gorgeous and he is a phenomenal actor.<br />
If I start watching too much TV though, you guys will stop me right? Organize an intervention. Come on people, I'm on the edge here. This could get bad.

I have never particularly watched TV. Tell us more about Jake Gyllenhaal. :p

Thank you guys. This is one of those stories that I never expect that people will comment on. It takes nerve. You guys are great, and I really feel as if you understand.<br />
<br />
I think if you are in a happy phase you revel in the now, you know?<br />
But when you are staring full blown depression down I think you tend to toggle back and forth between the past and the future in an effort to distract yourself from the present. There is no shame in that. So I watch engrossing movies to pass the time because I cannot control the constant dialogue in my head. <br />
This will pass. In the meantime it is nice to have a place to put this and to know that there are people who get it and who care enough to write, reach out. It helps. It really does.<br />
Baby--I want inspirational emails. THANK YOU.

I am a surfer almost all the time. I am also a thinker and I get lost thinking of other things when I am watching and soon get lost in thought over watching the show. There are a few exceptions but that is usually the way things go. I can feel you on this one.

I guess I am in real trouble then as I rarely watch anything completly. Surf mode is the only mode I know.<br />
<br />
The article was interesting. My mind often wanders off like it describes, sometimes to fond memories and others to future dreams.<br />
<br />
For me balance is the key, too much focus on any one past, present or future just doesn't work but sometimes I think we all need a little break from the now.<br />
<br />
I hope it helps.<br />
<br />
OC

I can relate. I feel like I've been in a bit of a funk....for the last year or so. I've had some bright spots and some low down times, but mostly I'm sliding around in the less-than-optimal areas. Unlike you, I can't bear to watch a movie about war or death. I prefer comedies and romances, and I try to imagine myself in those better-than-right-now situations.<br />
<br />
I get a daily (monday thru friday) email message from the Universe (theuniverse@tut.com) that often brightens my mood. In the past I've enjoyed messages from the DailyOm and Abraham-hicks.com. I think I might go sign up for those freebies again. I hope something here might work for you : )