Spiralling Down

I feel like I am spiralling down out of control.
The depression feeds the pain.
The pain feeds the depression.
Sometimes I want it all just to end
Becnme Becnme
56-60, F
3 Responses Mar 10, 2012

Bec, I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so bad and, while I wish I could do more for you, I can only give you a **hug**, encourage you to keep searching for an answer and share with you some of my experiences battling Depression. You see, it's been literally trying to kill me for the last 16 years or so ... but I'm still here :)<br />
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Something I've learned is that, call it what you will, there is this part of us – an innate wisdom, if you will – that tries and tries and tries to get us to stop and fix a part of us that broke a long time ago but we've told ourselves that we either don't have enough money, don't have enough time, don't have enough courage, don't have enough faith, don't have enough conviction, don't have enough belief in ourselves, don't have enough love for ourselves or any of the thousands of other reasons we rattle off to ourselves every single day as justification for not stopping and trying to fix this part of us that broke down.<br />
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This innate wisdom inside of you – your other “YOU” - is tired of looking at itself in the mirror and seeing a shell, an empty husk.<br />
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“YOU” doesn't want this to be your life anymore but you haven't been listening to her so now, you've left “YOU” with no other recourse but to shut you down – completely. So, in this way, what you're feeling now is the effect of this tool “YOU” is using to get you to STOP! and do anything and everything in your power to fix “YOU”.<br />
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“YOU” is on strike :)<br />
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The point is, listen to “YOU”. “YOU” has shut you down – and will keep you shut down – until you give “YOU” the life it so desperately wants. It's tired of hearing your rationalizations, your excuses - “YOU” wants no more of it!<br />
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The only way you'll make peace with “YOU” is by doing exactly what he/she wants :)<br />
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The wonderful thing is that, in the process of finally obeying “YOU”, you'll slowly feel MORE energy, MORE passion, MORE intelligence, MORE wisdom, MORE peace and MORE happiness, until one day, “YOU” has decided to turn you back on and has freed you from Depression.<br />
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Listen to “YOU”. Start now! :)

Oh Bex you too! I'm so sorry; I get the impression you are doing so well too! At least you are doing something about it.<br />
Take Care, don't do anything stupid,<br />
Love Nikki xx

New aches and pains to add to the old ones Nikki. I have good days and bad days still.

I also battle depression every day,because I became paralyzed from the neck down on June 29,1994.on July 1st1994, due to having my spinal cord severed I began feeling unbearable pain in my arms and legs which felt like someone pored gasoline on them and lit a match.with the help of my lord and savior jesus Christ I have been able to live with physical pain,emotional pain from my family walking out of my life,and having to be humble due to the fact that I need someone to do everything for me but I dont let the pain,depression,or my disability defeat me , because I love life and living it to its fullest. For instance I've been to Hawaii 3times and have been flown in a helicopter over a live volcano,went out whale watching and also went on the perl harbor memorial.<br />
If you need someone to talk to please call me407-782-6092. I hope you feel better ,God bless B.Cross

Although my problems are minor compared to yours, some days it is hard. I am in constant pain which doesn't help and a bad day is when it all seems too much