Depression

I have started going to a therapist again because my relationship was in trouble. The first time i go in there i am completely open and honest about my drinking because my kids are seeing the same person and so would i bf. So i just told her the truth because i didn't want to start off with telling a lie because i knew that i would get caught. by the end of the session she told me that i needed to quit drinking because she couldn't diganois me with depression because of my drinking. either my drinking is making me depressed or I'm depressed and that is why i am drinking. I told her that i am drinking because i am depressed. I have been depressed all my life and up until recently never realized that since i was 18 i have always depending on some sort of substance. that sucks because i start to wondering when was the time i have ever experience a true feeling without being altered. Since i was 18 there has only been two time in my life that i can remember that i have been completely sober for more than a month and that is when i was pregnant with my children.
Jann Jann
26-30, F
2 Responses Mar 22, 2007

I have been clean and sober for 18 years, and am chronically depressed. It does take alcohol or maybe a nice vicadin to cheer me up. My son is adhd, and as I learn more about it I see that I am, too. This means that the way dopamine is processed in our brains is messed up. So- I think I have a real biological reason why drugs make me feel good and also why I am addiction prone. I know that if I ever drink, though, I won't stop and that's no way to go through life. I do take melatonin and sometimes tylenol pm at night and that is helpful for relaxing. Having no real feelings sucks, but so would losing my son and life to alcohol.

I understand. I do what ever it takes to get through the day. I, personally, am sick and tired of therapists. I think that, at this point in my life, I finally realize that when a therapist is encouraging me to heal it is like encouraging an amputee to grow back a limb. <br />
However I am pretty determined to have a good day today. To put my past behind me for one day and just live.