Still Numb

For the last 3 years I find myself mad all the time. And when I'm not mad...I'm just numb. I feel like I'm drowning and instead of trying to swim, I just sink, on purpose! I don't know whats wrong with me or where the person I once was went. I use to be strong, or at least I thought I was. I prided myself on being strong, which is why I won't tell anyone about the tourment that is going on inside of me, I would feel weak if I did. I find myself crying all the time, which to me is another sign of weakness. So I isolate myself from everyone because I know at any moment I could break down in tears for no reason. So if I have to be around people.... I wear sunglasses a lot.

I don't know how to make it stop, and even if I did, it's seems as though I have already given up the fight. 

wingedwhisper72 wingedwhisper72
26-30, F
2 Responses Mar 26, 2007

lets start by listing why you are mad. Every little thing in your entire life. Write it on paper. Read it over several times for a day. Feel the pain and anger. Now say "I am releasing my anger and making room for joy" over and over again while tearing up the list. Place the pieces in a non flammable receptical and burn it. Seems silly, but it really helps.

Hi there, I also fight depression - when I wasnt on medication I easily broke down into tears at the most inconvient times. For me medication has helped keep the uncontrollable intense emotions at bay - I'm still sad and unmotivated but I'm not feeling the emotions so intensely anymore which makes it easier to deal with the hear and now. It may be worth seeing your local doctor for help on this issue. There are websites which can help you figure out if you are suffering from clinical depression (caused by chemical changes in the brain) I'm not sure of a good one right now but google should be able to help you find one. Wishing you all the best.<br />
Feel free to visit my community which I hope will offer mutual support to members or the public who post there - the link is<br />
http://community.livejournal.com/beat_depression/