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I Feel Like A Crapy Mother

God I dont want to be a bad mother anymore. Sometimes it crosses my mind that maybe he'd be better of if i were dead.**** i hate this feeling. i go back and look at all my writings and im always sad. im always depressed. its like ive never been happy. Lord were is my help? I know i have to be patient, but what about all the ones i hurt around me? i can deal with this, i always have, but why shoul they? its not fair. I hate knowing that ive hurt him. I hate that im impatient with him. I love him and i want him to know. I dont him to grow up like me angry and confused, anxious and depressed. help me get help please! if you will lord im exausted, not of hurting, but of hurting them. i hurt them. all the people whove ever been nice to me. i need medication and therapy I need you, but i dont seek you
Plow22 Plow22 22-25, F 4 Responses Apr 19, 2012

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Thank you awarren98 I've been trying to talk to my husband more and I've been letting him know when I start having those feelings again and that helps, but I don't know the day I wrote this was the first time I ever realized and admired to my self that I had a problem, a problem that I couldn't fix in my own and I guess that's why it hit so hard. I do feel a lot more anxious now that I know I need help, but hopefully me opening up more can help me keep some of my sanity. Thank you south and God bless you too:)

Thank you both for your prayers you're both beautiful people. I appreciate it so much. Jazzy dragonfly thank you so much for the sc<x>ripture. I read ya know and I know better, but thank you so much that you allow God to use you cus as crazy as I've been feeling I really felt like I was just cursed, but you reminded me of how blessed I am and how foolish I've been to allow my feelings to take over my mind. God loves me and hes pulled me out of everything. Ugh im so blind sometimes. Thank you again

Lamentations 3:31-32 For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men.<br />
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God can seem so far away at times, usually when I have felt that way on reflection I see that it's then that he carries me. I believe God allows suffering but not more suffering than can bring Him glory.<br />
Romans 5:3-5, Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.<br />
I'll be praying for you xx

Ask your doctor to refer you to a therapist or a mental health clinic. In the meantime I will say a prayer for you through Reiki so your higher power (God) and your spiritual guides can help you obtain the help you need. Also, it may be a good idea to do a web search for alternative treatments for depression, so that you can do some of the treatments yourself while you wait for therapy and medication. <br />
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Good Luck and God Bless.