I Thought I Was Getting Back To My Old Self...

I was extremely depressed this winter.  Usually I wake up feeling better after a depression, but it was starting to bleed into my "normal" days too.  The self-defeating thoughts wouldn't go away whether I was feeling good or not.  

I went to see a naturopath, and it really helped; she put me on a really high dose of vitamin D for 2 weeks (10,000 ui a day!)  and gave me a herbal pill called tryphonia.  We talked about eating waaaaay more fruits and veggies everyday, and I started drinking a fruit smoothie every morning. 

For about   3 weeks, I felt like my old self again;  I was excited about the future and I felt I could actually work again, which was good, because it was starting to be dire straits here.  Now I'm feeling some of the old negativity creeping back.  It's spring now,  so I'm trying to get out once a day and get exercise, but I'm afraid.   Having had a taste of real living again, I can't stay a depressed person my whole life (I'm 28)  Does it get better?  I've had depression for 11 years now.  Are there any chronically depressed people that can tell me how they find fulfillment inside a brain that is dissatisfied with everything?  

-worried it won't be the same again
Lids1234 Lids1234
26-30, F
2 Responses May 9, 2012

It well and good exercising and eating healthy but if it's starting to be a chore take a little break from it. It's ok to feel low sometimes. It doesn't make sense, your doing these things to try to make yourself happy but they're stressing you out. Book yourself a veg out day with ice cream and movies. You can start again tomorrow, it's ok to have a rest from trying to be perfect xxxxxxxx

Go for a walk every day. Look at the trees and grass and sky. Smell the air. Try to see how beautiful the world around you is. Find a hobby you enjoy and do it. Live for the good days and remember they do come around. Keep busy. There is a old saying, you are better of doing than thinking. I've been there. I've had days where though not suicidal, I wouldn't have jumped out of the way of a car. I'm currently on prozac and wellbutrin and they help a great deal. But I wish I could be happy naturally.