My Fight Against Depression

Today when I look at me I dont believe that I am alive! I was depressed since I was a fifteen year old girl. Day by day the situation
of my life got more worse after my father died. My mother is a psychologically I'll person,she used to torture me both mentally and physically from my childhood. My brother was addicted to drags and totally spoiled himself . I was engaged with a person whom I got married afterwards. Wehad physical relations for five years before marriage . But he used to get attarcted to other beautiful girls all the time. I wanted to breakup our relationship several times but he denied to do so and apologized to me. Itrusted on him cuz I loved him very much and he was my only escape route from my hell some life. But I didn't knew then that i was going enter another hell bymarring him. The inlaws of my husbands home was very tipycal. I could not make them happy in no ways. And in the other side my husband lost his attractions for me,day by day he got more busy with his carrier. He started hitting me and engaged toan affair with one of his coworker.
He started sleeping with her and simultaneously the torture of him and his family was doubled. In the mean time I got pregnant . My
Educational situation was very bad that time and was still undergrad . After having my first child I entered a job as a school teacher. But Still my fate was not with me. My husbands girlfriend started to threatening me by calling in my school. I quit the job and concentrated to my daughter.meanwhile we started to live separately. My husband stopped his relation with that girl and started to change himself as our daughter was growing day by day. We shifted to Canada as immigrants . For the very first time of my life I was happy. My second child was born there. But again my fate betrayed to me. That girl came to Canada and started to keep in touch with my husband ..this time I was passing the time of postpartum blue..and lost my total sense of proportion ..I was taken to mental hospital leaving my new born baby and the other five year old kid. The meaning of my life was finished..I was then just like a living dead. I was driven back to my country afterwards..tried to commit suicide several times..stayed in hospitals and mental institutions for four years. Then one day I found a mesaya who changed my life totally, in a word he saved my life and my kids life too. I started a new life with his teaching. Now I spend most of my time with my kids then with a nursery of plants and flowers, social works, painting and prayers. All my life I cried but now I smile as I have found peace in myself. I have completed my masters in English literature and got first class. I sing n listen to gives me energy. I have studied interior designing and designed my own flat. My husband has changed himself totally,apologized to me, I accepted it. Now we are a happy family with two beautiful son is my life. Now when look back to my life I feel peace about my present life, I wonder that my son is alive and me too. Now I can breathe fully without any pain..I am thankful to god who made my life meaningful again after a great battle with sever depression ....
Shurovi Shurovi
36-40, F
1 Response May 9, 2012

Sometimes I feel lost also but still I am fighting with my depression.