I Am Depressed And Lonely

I've suffered from depression for as long as i can remember. the happy childhood everyone should have was replaced by crying everyday, feeling down and wanting/trying to die. if only people had realised that my attempts to commit suicide were desperate cries for help.

after being really down for 11 years, my life finally started to get better! i met an amazing person in my village who i created lovely memories with. I couldn't believe someone who has their own family and commitments would want to be friends with someone like me. i realised that i when i was out with this friend i was actually enjoying myself; not my usual pretend smile or biting back tears, but true happiness! although when the night ended and i returned home alone, the depression returned. without knowing my unhappiness, that person became my closest friend.

a few months later, i met another person i got on well with. once again i found myself feeling true happiness when i was with them, but it ended as soon i was alone. the person saw through my pretend smile, and realised i needed help. i never thought anyone would understand, but this person did! without realising it, this person became my joint closest friend and knew more about me than anyone does to this day. as my other friends live so far away i could barely see them, but this person was there. until they announced they couldnt love me as i friend and didnt even know if they liked me. then ignored my messages and hardly speaks to me.

now both of these separate people are moving away, so i'll no friends anywhere close to where i live. this means i'll be alone all the time i'm not at work. i think i'm dependant on these people and have no idea how i'm going to cope. i keep thinking this is the beginning of the end. nothing in my life seems meant to be.
cravinghappiness cravinghappiness
18-21, F
1 Response May 10, 2012

Oh my i really hope that things get better for you chic especially in finding happiness