Letting Go Of Friends To Save Them From My Misery.

In an attempt to save those I care about who care about me, I push them away. I only have a few friends, but rather than expose them to my misery and have them become depressed too I would rather carry my burden alone. I feel like a sinking stone, and if they are tied to me then I just bring them down with me. So it's no real surprise I don't have many friends, because I haven't experienced happiness in years. I don't want to be a wet blanket. I don't want to be brooding with them around. I want to be happy, and make them happy. I can't do that while like this. So, as a good friend, I let them go.

Of course I feel bad when I do this. There are hurt feelings, but in the long run it will hurt less. It's the best I can do for them.

It leaves me wallowing in my own bitterness and self loathing and depression, but it saves them from it. It's a small token, but it's something.
MisterWho MisterWho
31-35, M
2 Responses May 11, 2012

This sounds like I could have written it myself. I know exactly how you feel, and I hope that someday you can overcome this monster.

Thanks. It's just a natural response for me. If I see a bus coming, I'm going to push the people I care about of of the way. What I struggle with is that some want to take the hit for ME. It's hard for me to accept help.

The only one who thinks your a burden is you. If your friends thought you were bringing them down, then they wouldn't hang out with you. <br />
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Don't self sabotage yourself, if you are depressed the more interaction with others the better it is for you. If you isolate yourself then you will only get worse, and your giving up. Don't let depression win. <br />
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Don't give up on yourself, no one else has.