This Is My First Time

This is my first time sharing things about my depression that I havent sharded with professionals, close frinds and family and even then some of this I have only shared with the prefessionals in my life. This might getr a bit long and Im sorry for that.

This has to be my 5th or 6th episode starting when I was a teenager. This one has been by far the hardest and longest going on 5 years now. I have tried so many medications, 3 courses of ECT, 2 of Magnetic therapy, 2 stays in hospital and so many medications. AFter 3 other I have finally found a therapist that I can trust, well I think I have.

I still cut myself after 3 years years and still on a very regular basis feel like the only think I have left is to mysefl. I know that this sounds so matter of fact saying it but it certainly doesn't feel that way. I all gets too much and I dont know how much longer I can do all this for. I dont know if Im comig or going most of the time and I dont know how to manage all of the feelings running through my head. I can't process them and I want to do is hurt myself. I dont know what to do anymore. The only thing that stops me doing anything is my husband I can't bear the thought of him being the one who has to deal with me hurting mysefl.

I know there are other people out there who feel the same I just need to be able to see it I guess. Thank you for reading this.l.compridm  
Casey77 Casey77
31-35, F
May 13, 2012