MeWell, I dont really have a story, per say. I have been struggling this for 5 years, and the way I help myself through it is writing poems, here are some of them i would like to share, please comment what you think of them.
I’m right here,
Why don’t you see me?
I try to sing out,
Why don’t you hear me?
I try to live,
Why do I feel dead?
I cut myself,
Why do I see red?
I hit the walls,
Why don’t me hands bleed?
I scream and yell,
Why don’t you scream for me?
I try to tell you,
Why can’t you believe me?
I try to cry,
Why do the emotions kill me?
I try to keep it all inside,
So hard to keep it locked up tight.
I’ve kept this anger in
It needs to be let out,
I move towards the door,
And I walk out.
And scream and yell,
To the trees.
Why don’t they understand?
Why don’t they understand me?
I’m trapped by this feeling,
Being shaped by nothing,
Ribs showing, collarbone jutting out,
I’m in a cage of thoughts,
In this prison I could waste away,
And then they would know I was broken,
No freedom to spread my wings,
In the clutches of my mind.
If I could paint what I felt,
My artwork would be cast away,
A canvas of dulls and blacks,
So that nobody would see,
This disgrace of a masterpiece.
And maybe I won’t feel so dead anymore,
(THESE NEXT PARAGRAPHS ARE ALL ONE POEM)
My mask is beautiful,
Which I hide myself behind,
Distracting people from finding me,
But if only the spell was broken,
The mask would be lifted,
And you would see the princess underneath.
And everything would be bright,
And you would see the spring,
The glass would shatter,
And out would emerge the love,
And the sunset would cry,
And there would be the dove.
And out it would fly,
Into the dawn, up to the sky,
And it would touch the stars and burst into flame,
And the Earth would tremble,
And the petals would fall,
And people would dance like children again.
The snow would melt, and flow into rivers,
And all poverty would be forgotten,
And there would be hope.
And all around the children would dry their eyes,
The wars would stop and the fires would die,
And all around people would stop fighting,
And remember their alive,
And the sun would shine,
And cover the world,
And the darkness would cry,
And overnight everything would change and there would change and there would be love.
(THE END )
(THESE NEXT POEMS ARE ONES I WROTE YESTERDAY)
Shift this pounding in my head,
Move this demon overhead,
Help me break down all the walls,
That are inside us all,
Capture the darkness,
Set me free,
Im in slumber,
Lean forward, I’m ready,
The stars above are waiting,
The touch, the softness,
Petals inside are shaking,
You hold me, so close,
Protect me from what’s out there,
I feel safe, it’s just us,
In all the atmosphere.
Hold me close, Protect my heart,
The beating, Now the tears will start,
And let my head rest on your shoulder,
Help me lift off this silent boulder,
And understand, That I’m a puzzle,
Fragile, But just put me back together,
And I will lay out everything for you,
And I hope you know, And help me too,
Cause all along your what I needed,
Someone to get me out of it,
Now look at the sky, And don’t shy away,
Stay with me now, Oh, Please won’t you stay?
You right there is all I want,
Cause defeat this myself I can’t,
And I want you to care for me,
And protect me in your company,
And maybe, I will stay alive tonight,
If I can keep you in my sight,
Because you feel like the stars, constant, there.
Stay with me, Hold me, Stay right here.
Pounding in my heart,
Scared,frightened, In the dark,
White and Pale, In the forest alone,
I trip, I run, away from home,
The horrors, I know, out there now,
Watching, waiting, nightfall now,
I shiver in fear, stumble, dying,
Lay down forever, With no-one beside me.
(THAT’S ALL OF EM!—THAT I WANA SHARE!)
So, I hope that since ive laid all this out for ya, you wont fling hurt back in my face.
add me, if your around the same ages as me, and want a email buddy or just someone to chat with about his, or recovery.
I do cut myself, I take anti depressants, and write depressing stories/ poems.
I do worry about what others think about me.
I try to be strong, but sometimes it doesnt work.
I cant cry, and havent for about 2 years- properly that is.
I also battle Anorexia, but am in recovery for that as well.