Chronic Depression Hurts

In the midst of another depressive episode. Standard story of going on anti-depressant, feeling much improvement...feels like I'm all better, so I stop taking it, and then, wham! it's back again. This latest variety feels oh so familiar. Just always sad, scared, choked up in my throat and tight in my belly. No interest in doing anything really other then sleeping. I am going to get back on the anti-dep med and hopefully start into therapy soon. I will say that it greatly helps to see so many on this site share there story----the stories are so familiar. As a man of 37, it's hard to share this with male friends as most don't do the "feeling talk". Further, women I don't think find these weaknesses to be all that attractive, so I am obliged to keep it to myself. Further, on the outside, all looks well. Handsome guy (humbly speaking), doctorate in alternative med (chiropractor) and yet on the inside feel so empty and alone. I do want to thank all on here for sharing their own story so openly...it just feels great not to feel so utterly alone with this type of anguish.