Im The Happiest Girl Ever!

Well here's my story.. I'm dealing with depression theirs been going so much in my life that I can't take no more I'm always getting picked on and yes I'm 15 people pick on me because of my style , no I'm not emo or scene I'm my self. This year I'm in high school I'm always shy and quiet so I have awful communication with people.. I Migth seem like this happy hyper girl, that's random loud and always cheering people up. But why can't anybody see how I feel? Yea in the outside I'm smiling but in the inside I'm diying the quote I love is "the most happiest person ever could be the loneliest person ever" People don't understand I cut my self but no one seems to notice I'm tired of living I have many suicidal thoughts I want to run way. Wen I see a razor the questions that go trew my head are 'should I end it? I could live a life without pain all I have to do is slight the razor down my arm it would just be pain for a while but then I'll be happy and pain free' I'm tired of everithing the funniest thing is that NOBODY can't tell! I wish.. Everyone would understand the pain I feel going to school , crying my self to sleep .. Can't they see I get bullied? My family is falling apart .. I wanna disappear forever .. Why Do I need to live? Heh I don't even know why I'm even here I should just end it all :)
... Pleas can some one help? I just need at least one person to see that I smile but it's just fake I want to burst out crying but it's not worth trying no oNe would even bother asking or even seeing that I'm in pain ..
Bloodyvanity Bloodyvanity
2 Responses May 22, 2012

When I was 15 I was in pretty much the same situation. I told my mum that I was getting bullied and she laughed at me!I felt so alone and unhappy I tried to end it all I found all the tablets in the house and took an overdose but changed my mind afterwards I tried to wake my mum up to tell her but she wouldn't listen. I ended up having to make myself sick. When my mum woke (the day after) she was more interested in the fact that I had wasted her medication! I soon started to shuit down emotionally and now find it hard to connect to people. In my personal opinion what you need to do to cope with how you feel (obviously try sort the problem) but also write down how you feel sometimes its good to just get it out onto paper so you can see it in black and white. I have had a lot of problems throughout my life and I find this helps a lot with most situations. Good luck and if u ever need anyone to talk to give me a message :-D

I can relate i hope it gets better for you... that is 1 of my favorite quotes of time...