I Am Alone

I am 17 years old and in 11th grade. My entire life, though i have had girlfriends, have never really been truely considered relationships. One girl i just dated because she wouldn't leave me alone (dumb i know, i was in like 8th grade), and one girl i dated because i was just settling for what i could get (if that makes sense). Now im realizing that im always lonely, though i can go out and have a good day with some friends, it never leaves me. I'm still alone. Just seems like theres nobody out there for me. I know there is somewhere, just wish i could meet her soon.


In escense i've been single my entire life, i've never felt that mutual attraction you normally feel, except once. We never dated but decided it was best to cut it off and just be friends. Im just glad to have her as a friend, i can go to her about anything and she will give me advice to make it better. We all need someone like her.


Basically im longing for that feeling again, it had been over a year since i had kissed a girl since my last gf and my friend mentioned above (happened recently). It just gets to you somtimes.


I've learned to use photography and exercise as a release to these feelings, and hanging out with friends gets me back into a good mood but it still gets to me every day. The lonely feelings just kill you, make you not care about anything. All you want to do is just sit there pondering. I feel like i've not gotten any better with this yet, i still feel the same sadness as i've always felt, im just better at hiding it from myself now. But its always there, always has been and seems like it always will be.


I guess im just longing to meet the girl of my dreams, i may be young but im just sick of waiting, and having no one. Just want to find her...

Coutts Coutts
18-21, M
May 29, 2008