I Battle Depression
For a few years now, I have been quite frustrated. I sink into periods of bitterness, fight against them and try to remind myself of everything I have to be grateful for, but cannot seem to stop myself from falling into this pit of this quiet despair again and again. I say quiet because it is something that I try not to talk about...it is disturbing to my significant other and my family and I try to be strong and hide these periods of unhappiness. But sometimes, it is very difficult.
My story is similar to thousands, if not millions of other stories. I worked "hard" in school, was accepted to and received a degree from a respectable, competitive university...however, I have not in the last 3 years since graduation been able to quite get the jobs I have tried so hard for. Almost, but not quite. The jobs that I have succeeded in landing have paid very meager wages, so low that I have only for brief periods been able to move out on my own. Not so long ago I would listen to and take advice from people more experienced than myself, who had been in the workforce for considerably longer, but I have decided that most of these well-intentioned people do not really understand what it is to begin your adult life during the Great Recession and feel constantly beaten down in competing for jobs in which "experience" is required. When I graduated from college I began to think I was too educated to work a receptionist job - because that is what I kept hearing from people. People would approach me all the time at my work, curious about my plans now that I was done with school. Now, I would go back to that receptionist job I used to have if only I could! My expectations for my future and my career prospects are much lower. The risks that I have taken in hopes of better opportunities have so far not worked out well for me, and I struggle with how much of my other previous plans I should put on hold while I continue to attempt to better my situation. Like for example, getting married, having kids. I'd like to do these things but in my pathetic (dependent) financial situation I can't even visualize what those dreams would look like. Instead, my life is on-hold and has been for really the last 3 years....
Hindsight is 20/20, but I wish I had not received - and did not still receive - most of the cultural messages I grew up with from society at large. I wish I did not feel this expectation to achieve the "American Dream". I do not believe that I can. Maybe I will, but it's hard to fathom right now. I wish I did not grow up thinking that a four year university degree was my ticket to a good job and success. I think that the highly competitive, keeping up with the Jones's consumer culture of the United States is highly toxic to a person like me. I know I need to throw all my preconceived notions out the window and give myself a chance to start over.
My story is similar to thousands, if not millions of other stories. I worked "hard" in school, was accepted to and received a degree from a respectable, competitive university...however, I have not in the last 3 years since graduation been able to quite get the jobs I have tried so hard for. Almost, but not quite. The jobs that I have succeeded in landing have paid very meager wages, so low that I have only for brief periods been able to move out on my own. Not so long ago I would listen to and take advice from people more experienced than myself, who had been in the workforce for considerably longer, but I have decided that most of these well-intentioned people do not really understand what it is to begin your adult life during the Great Recession and feel constantly beaten down in competing for jobs in which "experience" is required. When I graduated from college I began to think I was too educated to work a receptionist job - because that is what I kept hearing from people. People would approach me all the time at my work, curious about my plans now that I was done with school. Now, I would go back to that receptionist job I used to have if only I could! My expectations for my future and my career prospects are much lower. The risks that I have taken in hopes of better opportunities have so far not worked out well for me, and I struggle with how much of my other previous plans I should put on hold while I continue to attempt to better my situation. Like for example, getting married, having kids. I'd like to do these things but in my pathetic (dependent) financial situation I can't even visualize what those dreams would look like. Instead, my life is on-hold and has been for really the last 3 years....
Hindsight is 20/20, but I wish I had not received - and did not still receive - most of the cultural messages I grew up with from society at large. I wish I did not feel this expectation to achieve the "American Dream". I do not believe that I can. Maybe I will, but it's hard to fathom right now. I wish I did not grow up thinking that a four year university degree was my ticket to a good job and success. I think that the highly competitive, keeping up with the Jones's consumer culture of the United States is highly toxic to a person like me. I know I need to throw all my preconceived notions out the window and give myself a chance to start over.
By:
Lotus86
Age:
22-25
