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Dear God, I Want To Give Up.

It’s just a mix of everything. I’m just hurting inside, and the thing is, I don’t even know which one of these problems in my life caused it. and I just hate this. I hate feeling this way.

I thought I was getting better, and I felt I was with the pills so I don’t understand anything right now. I just don’t…

I screwed up. I did it again. (self harmed) Do you think I didn’t try not to? I’ve been trying for the longest time to not fall into temptation, and it had worked, but last night? No. I just fell apart. It’s like I lost all control and I’m just sorry if I’m disappointing anyone.

I’m not perfect. I make mistakes and this one was a big one. I understand that.
But if you could feel everything I’m feeling at this moment, you wouldn’t judge me or tell me how weak I’m being, or anything else negative that exists in your head. You would probably cry, if you felt what I felt, if you could read my mind, you would cry. Yes, very Cliche, I know you’ve heard this line many times before, but it’s true…if you could feel the hurt I feel, you’d feel lost just the way I do at this moment. Cause I feel lost.

It’s like I’m fighting against something I can’t even see and against so many things at once, that I don’t even know which one I’m fighting or what I’m fighting, and I’m at the breaking point where I just don’t want to fight anymore…

I just want to give up.

and the crazy thing is, I’ve said this a million times, and each time I’ve wondered what “give up” actually means, and today, this morning, I think I finally understand what’s “give up”. And until now, I hadn’t realized that I was fading way before this week….

I don’t know guys, I’m just really bad right now. Emotionally bad. and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for a lot of things…

Just message me, or something, anything… I don’t care what. Or don’t message me at all… I just wanted to let it all out before I went back to sleep…

I’m done now…
LookWithinMe LookWithinMe 18-21, F 3 Responses Jun 13, 2012

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It's been a couple of months since this has been posted, so how have you been doing? I don't want you to kill yourself over these problems, because you can get through them.

I can't tell you I haven't hurt myself in the last couple months but I'm doing good...

You know, i used to be exactly like you. Tired, wanting to give up and just go away. But what i recently found out is that God is watching us every step of the way. Everything happens for a reason. Just keep that in mind. This feeling will not last long. Just be strong and keep praying. Someday, you'll experience true happiness.

It appears you have a strong faith in God and let that work for you...



I've had my own battles and would like to recommend you read the following stories:



5 year mark approaches

Trapped in Several Cycles



to learn more about my background



and my hope to overcome this can be found in the following:



Anthology of Meaningful Lyrics

I will Rise Somehow



Since I have experience with the rough battle that is depression, I promise that if you want to message/fan me (or anything along those lines), I envision being able to objectively read what you say and offer whatever thoughts I can without judging because I know how emotionally draining it is.