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I Need Someone...

I need someone, I'm dying inside.
I need someone by my side. Someone I can cry to but then never see again in my life.
I can't stop crying when I'm alone. I feel like no one is here for me...
I don't even have a hard life, but everything is hurting. I want to hurt myself so bad.
No one is here to talk to me, and I don't want to open up to a stranger when I can't even do that with my bestfriends. I am alone.
I just wish I didn't bild everything up my whole life, because now its coming out.
All I can do is cry when I'm alone. I want to feel pain instead of the depressed feeling I have now. But pain only takes it away for a few seconds.
I need help, but I refuse to get it. I don't want anyone to know how bad I hurt, because they probably wouldn't believe it. I love to smile. But my Smiles are killing me more the laughter to me sounds silent. I feel dead inside. I'm calling out but still I deside to hide. I need to leave, when I hurt myself all I say is sorry. But I really am but I just can't stop. I'm sorry.
Karma777 Karma777 16-17, F 4 Responses Jun 17, 2012

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hello... wud u like to b my friend?

I know all too well exactly how you're feeling. That terrifying sensation, when you're alone, isolated, feeling as the entire world has dissolved away. The beauty of sites like this is the assurance that you are NEVER alone. <br />
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Those attacks where all you can do is cry about the life you've worked so hard to build crashing down about your ears. It's hard. It's unfair. It's painful. Bottling it all up until you crack is the worst. You need an outlet. Whatever healthy thing it is: art, writing, work, school, hobbies.<br />
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You sound like a caring, sensitive person. It takes strength to admit you need help. Speaking from experience, the first time you explain it to someone is probably the hardest. It took all the energy I had just to put it out in the open. Take baby steps. If you're really not comfortable bringing up the subject alone, ask for a mediator. Whether it be a teacher, cousolor, therapist, or docotor, having a third party calming the waters helps start the healing proccess. <br />
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My heart goes out to you. Know you are not alone.

I don't have anyone to talk to. I need someone by my side all the time, if not then I'm just a depressed mess. All I can think about is cutting myself but I stopped for my boyfriend but it's so hard to resist...

You're boyfriend knows then. Is there a reason you can't talk to him?

I tell him everything but I don't want him to feel sorry for me. Like he's gone threw ALOTTT worse. And I wouldn't want to make it worse...

I know you don't want to do it but please consider seeing a therapist or a counselor. They won't judge you and will be happy to listen to anything you have to tell them. Their entire job is to get paid to listen to you - so they might be exactly the shoulder to cry on that you need. <br />
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I see that you are a teenager so I assume you go to high school. Does your school have someone you can talk to? <br />
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Feel free to message me anytime you need to talk.

I don't want anyone to know that I would see a therapist or whatever. I never want my parents to find out.

And yeah I ONCE ment some lady at my school who is a counselor just to say hi because my teacher wanted me to and we talked about my adredalin problem and I told her not to call my parents and as soon as I left, she did. So I'm never doing that again.

Oh, that sucks. Yeah, the law mandates that school counselors report certain things, like abuse and drug use. They can't keep quiet. So don't take it personally. Maybe she had to do it. But I understand you feeling betrayed.

No like she had no right to call my parents. Espicaly when I told her not to because when didn't even talk about anything personal! She asked me if I'm on drugs or smoke weed and I said u don't. Because I don't and I never did. But she calls my dad saying that I might be taking drugs, like what the f.
Lol you know? And how can I talk to somebody without anyone finding out!???

Ok, if that was the case, that therapist was an idiot. But you shouldn't let one bad experience stop you from ever seeing another counselor again.

Which state do you live in? You should Google depression hotlines, see if there is one in your state.

I live in Michigan ,
And how is a 17 year old going to do that without my patents finding out?

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It's not an easy battle, I've been down that road myself. I am willing to do what I can to alleviate the pain since I know how bad it is. I wish I could teleport to somewhere mutually suitable from here in SC so I could snuggle you while you get your crying needs out of your system as I think it'd do me good to enjoy a good snuggle session in such a manner that we can alleviate each others' pain (read my story "Rough Merry month of May" at http://tinyurl.com/chm5nxv and "Ready for an Affectionate Girl" at http://tinyurl.com/cysayrv and you'll see in further detail what I'm looking for).