Mind NumbingI think my lack of feelings sometimes is because of the fact that I am numb form the inside out. I've never seen anyone about it and I know the longer I take to get all this **** sorted out, the worse it will get for me to take it day by day.
I've tried numerous times to commit suicide and I realized it helps nothing, so I've taken up an incredibly addictive personality.
So I inflict pain on myself from the feelings of guilt and blame i feel every day and the hollow contempt i feel for everything and everyone.
I don't wish that i was dead, I wish I could get a life and stand up with a real smile like the mask i put on everyday so people won't feel obliged to ask me what's wrong.
I take on one bad habit after another and the more i try to get rid of one, the other gets stronger.
I smoke, hurt myself, cut myself off from feeling too much for people so I won't get hurt and that causes me to never really feel emotions, so I can't cry anymore.
I am a numb, dead shell of my previous who i used to be...
melomania 18-21, F 1 Response 0 Jun 30, 2012