Down Again..This past week was great to be honest, best I've felt sense march. But as it seems with every good there is a bad... you hope things get better and that last bit of hope gets sucked out of you. I've gotten back into feeling cold, stopped talking to people, stopped doing things and that worthless feeling returns and dealing with everyday voices reminding me of how bad things are. Or how pathetic i am.. I guess i have what they so call ''Emotional eating'' In which i binge eat on horrible foods, then later feel guilty and do it again.. I guess once i eat i think 'everything's okay now' But it never really is because hours later the feeling returns and it happens again. I don't see the joy that others do in life, it just doesn't come to me like it seems to come so easily to others. You seem them on the street and they're happy and think to yourself ''I wish i was that.'' I believe people live their life always looking for that ''Happy''' moment yet have such downfalls once that bad moment happens again.. but with someone like me, that ''bad'' moment consumes me, and more and more bad just happens. My past wasn't pretty. Granted I've even blocked out most of my childhood. It seems that the more i put up with the more gets thrown on me. I just want to hide from the world, total isolation but i know if i were to do that, then people would actually know how i feel inside and it hurts everyday.. boy does it hurt..
psychosilence 13-15, F 1 Jul 7, 2012