I'm Falling To Pieces & I Fear Myself.

I'm dying inside. I'm in love and I think it's falling apart. I'm so depressed with day to day life. My depression only increases. There can be nothing wrong, yet everything sucks. I've started on my medication again. I know that will help. But also, It won't cure all. My relationship is turning to **** but I can't let it go. I'm in love with him. And I can't be the one to say goodbye... I just want to feel better! I'm not exactly suicidal, but I do often think about death. I can't die yet though, there's so much more to experience. If I die, I won't know what happens once I'm gone! I won't feel the happiness again. I'm terrified of myself though. Terrified I'll try to kill myself on impulse like before.
Saraaasaurus Saraaasaurus
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 15, 2012

You, at least, have the inner strength to keep on this side of the suicidal line. Keep that, cling onto it, it is currently your life line. <br />
I know it takes a while for the drugs to kick in, but remember, you know they will. Also, get help. The drugs are there to help you, but they won't cure your depression. Get help on how to cope with the depression itself, or better to get the depression to clear up.<br />
<br />
The state of your relationship isn't helping any, to get you to feel better. Is it really falling apart, or do you feel it is falling apart. A depression is hard to live with, but it is hard on the partner as well. It puts a real strain on relationships. I'm not putting blame on anyone, I just try to give you some insight. I understand, and know from experience, that breaking up is the situation that will help you getting out of the depression.<br />
<br />
Don't give up, you've more strength than you think.<br />
<br />

I feel it is falling apart. It may not be... He's been busy so maybe it's just me being worried. His texts are often short, too.. But not always.

When you are suffering from depression, it really changes the way you see things, how you perceive them. It clouds your judgement. That doesn't mean you are by definition wrong, it means that you have a high risk of interpreting things way off. Your worries, or actually your fear of losing the relationship, gets blown out of proportion by your depression. I know it is scaring the **** out of you, but maybe you should try and talk to him about it. I know, really know from my own experience, how you feel now, and I feel for you.

Thank you. I have talked to him. And he said he will try to talk more with me. :) We'll see how things go.

That I realy admire. You did a very brave thing.

1 More Response

I also battle depression, and have for years. Are you on meds for your depression? I am and I find I feel and deal much better with things when I'm taking them daily, like I'm supposed to. If I stop taking them, my life and thinking can go to hell. <br />

Yes, I take medicine.
I just started again.
I had stopped due to a stupid doctor and her secretaries that don't call me back...
I'm waiting for it to kick in again.
They give me a good push but don't fully make it better.
So I'm not sure what else to do... :/

#!, not all meds work the same, if you feel that your med is not helping all that much, tell your doctor, you may do better on a different one.
also, think of doing something you enjoy or used to really enjoy. for me it's fishing, but more times than not I have to force my thoughts and body into going fishing. Once I make the tough move of get up and going, I tend to feel better, once I do get fishing... It's tough sometimes, but you really have to force yourself.

Yeah, I'm going to try and do more things I enjoy :)