Depression and Mood Swings.

I am 19 years old, and for the past few weeks I have been battling depression and massive mood swings. On my good days, things are all fine, though I'm still rather pessimistic and cynical. On my bad days, I just feel so tired, unmotivated and more than simply just 'down in the dumps'; even getting up in the morning, getting myself ready and going to college is one huge battle in itself... I feel extremely irritable and snappy, and isolate myself from everyone else.

Then there are my purely awful days, where I feel suicidal; I feel as if I cannot carry on with a life that just seems completely unbearable to live, but at the same time I don't know if I have the guts to end it all here and now. I want to cry, but the tears just won't come. Even simply talking to people socially is a struggle in itself... people tell me to get over it and that things will improve, but that's easy for them to say. I isolate myself in my bedroom and don't want to come out to anybody.

Sometimes I just don't know who I can turn to. I don't want to tell my friends because I feel as if those who haven't abandoned me already will do so. My mother feels helpless and lost whenever I have these awful days because she can't help me through them. Even talking to her doesn't help at times. I am currently taking citalopram, having been prescribed it nearly two months ago, but it just doesn't seem to be working... I regularly have depressive mood swings, sometimes lasting for days on end with no sign of letting up.

I just wish I could wake up and everything would be normal again. Instead, I wake up feeling like I want to stop breathing.

bryterlayter bryterlayter
18-21, M
3 Responses Apr 26, 2007

This is depression <br />
I've thought about this a lot. It can be most accurately compared to brainwashing. When you are brainwashed your captors start out by asking you to do simple things like if you don't swear they'll ask you to swear, or say something derogatory, then it escalates, and part of the reason you continue to follow them is because you've begun to<br />
invest in them and you don't want that investment to be for naught.<br />
<br />
Suicide is your captor, by limiting your exposure to people you are investing yourself in this idea. You are making it harder and harder to change your mind... to turn back... I think once you start doing this, there really is no return, and suicide will be taht much easier for you to commit because you have invested so much in it it'll be damn near impossible to turn back.<br />
<br />
I think you should not do this. I am not against the idea of suicide for the truly hopeless and truly dead inside individuals, but I believe doing this makes it harder and harder for you to make a rational clear headed decision, instead you will be making a decision ba<x>sed on what you've invested. <br />
People who are brainwashed end up doing<br />
terrible things, not because they are evil but because they have so<br />
much invested in their new "morals". It's the same with suicide<br />
really. If you do this, it will make it that much easier for you to<br />
commit the act, but it will not be with a clear head you make the decision and thus more often than not, it will be a mistake. Go back to your doctor and tell him you need your meds changing, tell him how your feeling.<br />
I`m in the same boat so I know where your comming from.

its weird to think about. that some of us here all have something in common. i've been where you are...<br />
i've been the girl that smiles or has a sigh of relief when she thinks about taking her life. i've been to the point of destruction, not only self harm but harm to others.<br />
i know what its like to feel alone. i think a lot of people here do.<br />
<br />
im just saying you're not alone and we can all help each otehr by listening and giving encouragement. it sucks to feel like you're the only one out there. dont worry you're not. i wish i could make you feel normal again. but im not even at that stage yet and i've been battling this for a long time now. but instead maybe i can just lend an ear and a heart so the pain can hurt a little less. i hopeyou're doing good.<br />
if you ever need some advice or just someone to talk to just message me. i'll be there.<br />
<br />

It is hard when some of the people in your life don't fully understand depression. I have had people tell me that too OH just snap out of it! It doesn't work that way. I would suggest that you try to get help soon because it doesn't just go away. I also had terrible mood swings from anger and irritability to down right tears. Its a horrible feeling but with the right therapy and meds you can start to feel a lot better. Good luck to you I hope things get better for you.