I Battle With Depression Every Day

I was recently diagnosed as being clinically depressed about 5 months ago. Though personally, I think I've had it for much longer then that. My theory is that I've always had it (ie, since childhood) but it was just brushed off as child thing or a teenage thing. Anyway, I didn't really sit up and take notice until my best friend and former high school sweatheart was killed in a tragic car accident around thanksgiving of 2001. I have never been the same since. I struggled with suicidal tendencies and excessive amounts of sleeping. I have also surivived an abusive romantic relationship but that is another story for another day. My doctor prescribed Effexor for me and therapy. They have both helped. I sleep less and I've made some major life changes that I think have helped my depression. Esp since the suicidal side of things has tapered off. But everyday is a battle...some just worse then others. Like the other day, I struggled to get out of bed and do the things I needed to do. Everyday is a new battle...but I try to make the best of it...
boston17 boston17
26-30, F
14 Responses Dec 15, 2006

im new to this site and suffer the same, i fight it every day but cant even type on here now as i feel so sad from reading some of the stories on here, my heart goes out to you all and pray that you all recover from this horrible world, god bless

You are very brave to admit that you struggled with sucicidal thoughts, you should not be judged for those thoughts

I feel beated when in this beautiful life I live in a sad world...<br />
I read your story and comments that followed..its somehow much easier to see there are other people feeling just like you..I feel pain, sadness for almost all the time, just to think about some mistakes in my life I get a cry attack..my boyfriend is the most wonderful person in the world but if I continue like this I will lose him..I cannot express my fear of being left, being alone..being unloved..so instead of expressing my feelings I become verbal agressive, sarcastic..and it all ends with crying..pain is physical, strong, suffocating..I am not on medications, refusing to take them..but it is so hard..it really is..every not day, but a moment is a battle..

I'm 14 years old but I know what you're talking about.Your friend died and you fell into a depression.That's normal.I saw people die in front of me five times.But the real difference between you and me is that I haven't felt nothing.I'm heartless.And for some strange reasons I'm sad,lonely even if I'm among thousands of people.I even ended up in a hospital for two weeks because my heart stopped.There was nothing wrong with me so they've sent me to a psiho-test.it turned out that I'm so deeply sad that my heart couldn't bear it anymore.(here I am,talking about me again)Anyway, I hope that you get better.I agree with ashlo222,the medication will stop working.The real key of beating depression is in you.You can putt it all to an end by having a strong will.

how do i get help?... im always so sad.. and discontent with everything.. im just so lost.. i dont know how to get help

Boston17, kudos to you for taking control and getting better, you must be very strong. I hope you're able to maintain and maybe even build on your progress.

I experiance the same stuff too, its hard to do much, i hope it gets better for you.

It's good to hear that you're doing things that are helping you change your life for the better. Try not to draw a line between "depression" and "happy". It seems to make things more dramatic. Unfortunately that's all the psychiatrists do. Everyone gets depressed sometimes, and it's always at different levels. <br />
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Be very aware of the medication. I took more than I can count and all I got was bad things.

Hi, I'm new to this site, and I am glad to have found it albeit by accident. In the early part of my life through the age of about 35, I suffered from anxiety, a nervous breakdown followed by severe depression, followed by years of panic attacks, followed by a diagnosis of hyperthyroidism, then a very long period of relative calm. (Get your thyroid level checked out.)<br />
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In retrospect, my panic attacks started around age 10, which I attributed to being stalked and picked on in a new school by an older girl--a bully--for a whole year. I did not know what was happening to me then but for sure the attacks were fear based. After the bully left school, then the attacks subsided until I reached age 28 or thereabouts. They returned after a period of near self destruction and remained for years. <br />
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What cured me of the vicious and sudden onset of a steady diet of panic attacks? Facing the monster that I could not see. You see I refused to take drugs mainly because I did not and still do not like feeling fuzzy or out of sorts. I know it sounds funny now even to me as I write this because surely it would have probably calmed me down at the time. Nevertheless, I chose not to. Back to what helped me and eventually cured me or at least taught me to handle this problem. I went to a class offered by my health plan that taught me desensitizing techniques. For example, in my case, I had a fear of public speaking, and I managed 25 people so you see I had to overcome this problem. The class helped me to overcome my fear of public speaking enough to get through it without collapsing although the stress of my job led to the thyroid dysfunction. Finding a good therapist also helped me to root out other deep seeded problems that I wasn't fully aware of but affected my day-to-day existence. We all have had tragedies or other destructive or toxic elements in our lives and oftentimes a therapist can help you with sorting through this stuff and assist you in the grieving process because we often hold a great deal of sorrow, pain, and guilt--even stuff we do not own. Ask the universe to help you release it--all of it--from this lifetime and past lifetimes. A spiritual friend suggested this release prayer and it works wonders.<br />
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I know when one is suffering from depression that you do not want to do anything except be self absorbed in your pain. But you must fight this and force yourself to be with friends, to work, to exercise, and to be next to nature as often as possible. Nature and natural settings can be very healing to the psyche. You will move past this and find happiness again. I promise you.

Your story is a lot like mine. I have severe depression. I've been battling it for the past 10 years. I think I had it as a kid because high school was just unbearable for me. When I disclosed my depression to my parents, they brushed me off. They told me it was "in my head" and to get off the medication I was on. I think my mother was more embarassed than anything.<br />
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I've tried different medications, even therapy, but nothing seems to work. Depression has cost me everything. I will probably lose my husband over it. I want to die sometimes just to end the pain.<br />
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I'm trying to find a new medication, therapy, something to give me a reason to live. I have no friends, no family who I can depend on, no job. I'm basically dependent on my military husband who is the breadwinner. I feel like I'm being slowly suffocated from the pain.<br />
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I don't know what to do either. I'm glad you've made progress with your depression. It seems I've "plateaued" and you'll get that with Effexor (I've been on it). It's an ineffective medication. It didn't do me a bit of good.<br />
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I just wish I could be anybody else than who I am right now, you know?<br />
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EmJem24

Depression is horrible - battling for years now. Recent addition for me is anxiety. This for me is worse! Are there reasons for my anxiety? Sure. But the anxiety is such that it renders me incapable of motion at times! And terror is a better word for it than anxiety, lol! Yes, life is difficult. I found my "reason" for being here - began and ran an animal rescue group for 10 years, saved about 1000 animals over that time. I resigned when I just burned out from the amount of work, all volunteer work with a full time job and I just couldn't do it. Spent quite a bit of time feeling like a loser, which adds to the depression! I'm trying hard to JUST BE HERE now. I'll check out the chakra thing for sure. One day at a time....

There is nothing wrong with you.<br />
You are simply sane.<br />
How could anyone exist in this tragic/comedy called<br />
humanty and not suffer those symptoms. A thing you put on yourself as 'different' or suffering a clinically proven 'disorder'<br />
A society where to do the morally right thing can land you in goal but you have to swear on the bible in court.<br />
Where those with no talent but ruthless manipulation dictate entire nations. Wher peadophiles are hunted in the streets when 98% of them are good family members.<br />
The list goes on...<br />
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you are quite sane. What can you do.?<br />
learn to care and not to care. learn to sit still<br />
Ataraxy has many uses<br />
<br />
Luweewu

Hi,<br />
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I am saddened to hear your story.. it seems like we all spend our lives not knowing what to do with it.. there has to be a goal in our life.. it may not be a BIG goal, a small-mediumish goal would do, it could be irrelevant thing.. Something.. Anything to keep our minds occupied. Something that should not be dull or dreary.. 7 we have to go out there & mix with the people... Spread our blue 7 absorb some gold from others...

Hi friend, if you would like to refresh your souls journey with me, I am posting a series of teachings on the Chakra system, I'v already posted Earth/root/red and Sacral/sex/orange chakras, but please join me everyday on this vibration changing journey. Goto http://palmtreelifestyle.wordpress.com/<br />
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You will also find Universal Laws and how they and the Chakras work together.<br />
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You can also find me at www.selfdiscovery.co.za<br />
Know Thy Self - To change Thy Self<br />
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I hope this will help you.<br />
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Many blessing of love, light and peace.<br />
<br />
Allan