I Always Feel Emptyhi,i'm 15 years old, and i'm always sad and depressed and i feel empty.i think i began feeling this from like 2 or 3 years ago,when i asked myself what am i doing in this life? i don't have friends ,they all take me for granted.i don't have someone who really cares or understands me. Besides,i have sweaty palms which really bothers me sometimes,and avoids me from doing things simply. i sometimes thought about suicide because i really hated my life.
i sometimes feel like i never do stuff that people in my age usually do.i mean like hanging out with friends ,doing plans for the weekend...etc. i don't know why all this happen? maybe cuz my family was so protective that it won't let me simply go out. Once, a friend at school asked me to go out with some of her friends to the mall, and when i asked my mum she completely refused,i don't know why ? she just said u won't be safe... and this talk. but that wasn't the only time ,she always say no. so like nearly noone ever asks me to go out with them again,and even if they did they know that i possibly won't.
i feel like i'm in prison.from home to school,and even if i go out i go with my family.that's good ok ,but i mean i need sometime with friends cuz i'm not that child anymore and i'm getting old. so i grew up like this,hated people cuz i feel that everyone sees me as an akward, don't have a social life, always alone and depressed, and before i sleep i usually cry.
i think that everyone of my family realizes that i didn't smile anymore and i'm always sad,but they just say that i'm too young to be depressed and i'm fine and no one believes me.i don't know what to do,i'm really lost. i wake up everyday,feeling like i'm in a nightmare that never ends.
i think i usually put all my effort in studying and i'm trying to forget my sadness by concentrating in books and i get good grades at school ,but that also doesn't make me happy,i'm still sad and i feel terrible.
Another problem in my life is my father, when i was a child we had alot of quarrels and he was a serious problem in my childhood,and we were never on the same line, he was good at math so he always wants me to be good at math ,and its like everytime he sees me he must give me an equation to solve ,and he always asks me to study math even in vocations. i admit maybe that makes me better in math but still it's too boring
i think i always feel different and sad and i'm really sick of it. but i think that's my destiny and my fate. i really hope there is someone like me out there
and tell me if he/she has the same story too
saddreams 13-15, F 1 Response 0 Aug 1, 2012