A lot of people say they have this when they really don't. This is one of my biggest pet peeves. Depression is such a serious thing and so many people don't realize that. I've heard people say "Depression is just someone being sad." Ummm no. It's so much more than that. I've been battling for 5 years now. It's not just sadness. It's a feeling of a mix of things. It's like someone rips out a part of you. For me, it was my part of me that cared. I just stopped caring. About everything. I didn't care if I lived, or died. All I wanted to do was stay in my room and sleep away the pain. Its like when I was sleeping, I could be in my dream world where things were happy and they didn't hurt. You can't just be happy when you're depressed. You can try, but succeeding is doubtful. If I've learned anything in my years, it's that talking to someone helps. I know there's the feelings of sadness, anger, loneliness, emptiness, coldness, all of these are parts of depression and talking to people helps. That's why I love this website. I'm a recent joiner but I've learned that I can open up and share to ya'll anything, and I don't think I'm judged because there are so many people that are just like me. I don't know you, but I love you all and I know ya'll can get through this.
rayelizabeth rayelizabeth
18-21, F
4 Responses Aug 10, 2012

I used to "play" with my depression. I mean I did not make a big deal of it because somehow I denied it, I know I was depressed, it was in my nature to be a melanchollic girl.<br />
and I was rather a bipolar, with wonderful enthusiastic phases where I dont know I thought I had found God(Goddess?) or something. It was great. I don't know if I am a bipolar anymore cuz I am hardly ever enthusiastic these days,I cant remember the last time I was in fact...I hardly ever smile. I try my best because I am a mom and I try to hold on to my babies joyful smile and energy. I try to hold on to this though sometimes I do feel that way: careless. about everything.<br />
depression is not anymore inspiring. I am not a better artist in this, on the contrary, I have never been this unproductive...I still was compulsive with my art when depression came back in my life, but it's seem the ***** won and I feel so pathetically weak. I know I should love myself and help myself get better, back on track, wanting more of this life...but it's really hard to find the energy.<br />
You seem to be doubtful about the potential healing of depression?<br />
I still hope to feel better. I want to be away from this,I still hope this pain will make me grow ...take good care of you and feel better!

I've lived with depression for years. Medication helps, but hasn't "cured" me. It just minimizes the suffering and the symptoms are lessened somewhat. Sometimes I feel numb. <br />
I still feel "blue" and cry all the time for no reason. I prefer solitude so I don't have to explain my lackluster mood to anyone. I am married, but my hubbie doesn't really understand the crap that goes on in my head. <br />
I wish people could understand what depression is really like. I dont really care about anything and i can't remember the last time i actually enjoyed anything. I wish people could walk in my shoes and understand how much of a struggle it is just to wake up each morning... What a struggle it is to make myself care enough to keep taking the meds that keep me functioning each day. <br />
It's hard for me to keep going. I'm so tired all the time and sometimes I wonder why I keep trying to live.<br />
I'm not suicidal. I just don't know what the purpose of life is. I know I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. I know others don't, but i still don't know why I was born this way. Why was I born to have a mediocre life while others seem "normal"?

"Why was I born to have a mediocre life while others seem "normal"?"
I often wonder why too.
I wish I had the energy to change my life, to get what I really want and need..."I just don't know what the purpose of life is" I can relate to that too. I really wonder.Sometimes it seems all so strange, unreal,nothing but a joke. I hope you still have days when you feel a little better off.

Thank You for your story you are so right.depression controls affects every thing from<br />
jobs to relationships.after trying to end it all,2 years ago,i was put in a hospital and have been getting treatment since then.3 types of meds,counceling,etc.I still have my bad days,when the dark clouds hang over me.I turn to EP at these times.there is always some<br />
kind person here for me.

You are so right. I was first diagnosed with depression in the early 1980s, but know I was depressed long before that. Finding EP, and reading others stories helps to put my depression back into perspective. It is a lot easier to see soutions in others problems, than it is my own. Usually that is because they are the same as mine, but I am not as attached when it is someone else.