Post

Giving Up...

I don't know if I can fight any longer. I have been battling depression for so many years now, but I never came out of it...
I can't understand what went wrong with me, because my parents never loved me. I am just their burden, someone who they could not wait to get rid of. They tell me that I am just a ugly, fat, useless person. They always humiliate me in public by telling me how fat and ugly I am, and that I am the worst person they have ever seen. They always tell me that I am just an accident, and they did not know what they have done to deserve a child like me... They often hit me until there are bruises all over my leg and back, and they often lock me into the dark store room for hours at a time.
That made me feel really bad and guilty, maybe a bit angry as well. I know that I am a bad person, but I don't know why am I so bad that I hurt everyone around me, I can't understand why I always make my parents so angry.
Since the day when my brother was born, my parents started forcing me to watch them hit my brother when he can barely walk. I can't stand it, it hurts so much to watch my brother in so much pain, to have tears all over his face. That night, I watched my parents lock my brother into the dark storeroom and telling him it is all my fault. I can't stand it anymore...I know I have to end it all... It is the first time I attempted suicide...
I survived, and went for therapy. After a few sessions, I managed to talk to my counsellor about the abuse at home, but my parents denied it when the officials came to investigate. They told the officials so many lies that made them believe that I am just a horrible liar. The case of child abuse is dropped.
The next time I attempted suicide is when my father purposely destroyed all my writings. Novels...short stories...poems...everything! He probably know that writing stories is what kept me going on all these years, yet he destroyed everything I have done in my life time mercilessly! I don't know what I am living for, and I just tried to overdose on drug again.
My parents continued to deny anything that I have said during therapy, and the case of child abuse has been dropped again and again... No one will believe me...
I am really trying hard to fight depression, but everyone refused to believe me... I don't know what I am living for now...
Kaslyne Kaslyne 16-17, F 4 Responses Aug 20, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

No one can even begin to understand the torment you must be experiencing" You need professional help. Look in the phone book or google your area for a mental health professional. Explain your circumstances and your feelings to them. There are available care out there no charge. Please do that ok. You are a very brave person, I find peace and strength in my faith, it can be a good place to start.

Please dont give up, your life is getting better day by day, slowly but surely. when you look back at what it use to be" its changed has'nt it. you found this website, you get to meet ALL KINDS OF NEW PEOPLE. please dont give up, change is comming. i use to go through some of the same things. no sucuss comes without a fight. keep your head up and like that other person said, let them hate. i believe in you, you can do it. =D

You arent fighting depression alone as there are many of us in the world who battle depression as well. I'm 38yrs old and I battle depression each and everyday and as much as I would love to just give up I have too many responsibility to just give up. Like jaconrs said you are a strong, smart, and resourcerful young person and I'm sure there are there is help for you you just have to ask. You cant let haters bring you down. What do you think a haters job is? Its to hate on all the good **** you have! You cant go around pleasing everyone, you sometimes forget you have to please your star player the person thats in the mirror thats looking at you everyday. That needs to be the person you are concerned about. Katt Williams( http://youtu.be/3EjcwIVL3s8 )

You are strong and smart. You are resourceful. There is immediate help in your community. FIght. You can do it and overcome this.