A Twist In My Story.

Most people look at me, and they see this beautiful happy girl. They think I have the most perfect life and see all good in this world. But, when I step home, I stare into my mirror. I see this girl. Who doesnt belong in this world. Im currently 17 and I have more insecurities than the average girl. That "happy" girl everyone sees, its only an act so people dont question me. I've had the worse experiences in life. Ask me, its probably already happened. I cry myself to sleep daily. I'm upset to the point where I harm myself any possible way I can. Burn, cut. Whatever I have, I'll use. I'm suicidal. Within the last year, I've tried to kill myself over 10 times. I cant seem to find any hapiness. Every good thing that happens to me, end up in a disaster. I am the perfect disaster.
realwithmeex realwithmeex
18-21, F
7 Responses Aug 30, 2012

best way to run away from problem to deal with it,,,,,,,this is something that i have learned from someone,,and be true to urself ,,,,,,,

definitely not alone... there are so many people who have overcome similar situation, difficulties, problems... i would recommend to look for some of these and just keep on, be easy and gentle and take each moment as it comes... as far as i can see, everyone has struggles and many people come through and end up in better places :)

i knw.. i feel the same way... i'm sorry. i just hope u start to feel better soon.

Hang in there.. keep fighting.. keep searching for help.. keep trying different approaches... keep changing meds if they aren't working.. your too young to give up. If you get to my age and are still miserable, you can give up then.

Even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now manage to survive these feelings. Take hope in this. There is a very good chance that you are going to live through these feelings, no matter how much self-loathing, hopelessness, or isolation you are currently experiencing. Just give yourself the time needed and don’t try to go it alone. If you ever need sombody to talk to, I am here. Big hugs your way! ♥

Thank you so much..<3 i'm trying but something seems to overcome me.

He is right I'm 37yrs old and I love with depression, anxiety, bi polor disorder on a daily. You just have to be strong and have faith that tomorrow will bring a better day. If anything you have to look forward to is the fact that you have made it through another day.

Hey I understand how you feel. I wear masks of happiness as I like to put it. I've been pretending to be happy for so long that when I went to see a physiatrist I had to tell her how I pretend things are of when I'm really not. Not that she couldnt tell I just wanted to be upfront with her. You have to stop trying to make everyone else happy and worry about only making yourself happy. You cant make others happy if you cant first make yourself happy first! Thats your star pla<x>yer and you have to take care of them first and formost. If you have to lie to your star pla<x>yer just to boost yourself up thats what you do! Look at your star pla<x>yer in the mirror and say "Hey did you hit a growth spirt last night? You look tall as a mutha fawker! What are you 5'2 1/2?" You are special, unique, beautiful, wonderful, caring, and there is no one else like you in the world. What dont kill us makes us stronger. God wouldnt put you through anything he didnt think you couldnt handle. If you have haters in your life dont let them bring you down. A haters job is to hate all the good **** you have no matter what it is. Your job is to let them hate and bring you up. I know I must be rambling I'm sorry I just know what its like to feel the way you do and to cope in the way you do. I've cut myself burned myself and its not worth it. Your not alone feeling like this.

Ever notice how those hurting the worst always seem to be the happiest?<br />
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I don't know if it's over acting or just that we're so scared if we let it out we won't be able to stop it.<br />
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All we can do is keep on keeping on and hope it gets better.<br />
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Good luck little chickadee.