I've Learned to Accept Depression.

I'm 57 years old and have battled depression since my teens. Over the years it has worsened and definitely became worse after I was diagnosed with psychomotor epilepsy and put on anticonvulsants at the age of 19. It was't enough to feel tired as a result of the depression, now it was the side effects of the seizure medication that made me want to sleep constantly. People could not understand this and I grew up feeling guilty, lazy, thinking this was all my fault and if I just pulled myself up I could change. I've done a lot of research on both epilepsy and depression and have now a clear understanding of what is happening in my brain and what is it that makes me act and feel the way I do. Depression is just another illness like diabetes, taking antidepressants is like taking insulin, you would not mock someone for having to take insulin so why can't we accept that our brains have an insufficiency that requires medication to help it function properly? I am disabled because of epilepsy and depression but up to my late forties I was a successful teacher and court interpreter. I try to keep busy even though most of the time I would like to stay in bed yet I know that in the long run that is not beneficial for me. I do, however, take naps frequently but do not feel guilty anymore. It's just part of my illness and too bad if you can't accept it. My family has come around and seems to understand better now. I have a beautiful 29 year old daughter and a 3 year old and 8 year old grand daughter. I've been married twice but neither one of my spouses was able to understand my illness. I have attempted against my life but will spare you the details, right now I am happy to be alive and wish you all a happy recovery. I isn't easy, I've been there and no one can really understand your feelings unless they have experienced them themselves. I' glad I found this site and all of you, now I know that I am not alone.
cubana cubana
56-60, F
1 Response May 3, 2007

I've suffered from depression too. And I also felt like people thought I was lazy because I slept a lot. I still suffer from it, not as often though and am on medication for it, which does help. Thanks for sharing your story!