Depressed Again! But I Cant Tell!

I know that my depression is returning again, I feel so fat and hate myself, food and weight just wont leave my head! I started suffering with anorexia at 16, now 21 its still plagueing my life! My old school, they tried there best to get me better, but I will never be better, Its always there in my head, every day I wake up, every reflection I see, every time I get dressed, every time I see food, every mouthful I eat!

My third year of uni is almost upon me, and all I want to do is run! I want to cry so much, I want to scream so loud, I want to hurt myself. I am screaming inside, punching pillows, restricting food and hoping I lose weight! I want to be thin again like i was before, before they forced me to eat again and told me I could be happier if I followed there rules. But they were wrong Im not happy! I hate that they ruined my hard work! Now I must begin again, but this time its harder, im struggling to cope, to keep going! I wish I was stronger!

Thats why I cant tell them that I am depressed! They will ask to many questions to find out why, they will figure it out, try to stop me, force feed me with lies, try to make me fatter! So I must stay away and hide it inside!

But I want the depression to go away, I feel like im dying inside. I know they come as a package you cant cure the one and not the other right? but if only i could find a way!
velveteenmodel velveteenmodel
18-21, F
Sep 5, 2012