Repetition

They say that when you do something again and again, it means you haven't learned your mistake. Sadly, it seems like depression is one of those problems I can't get passed for very long.

I have some good days, where things are just fine and I'm content, but then when I'm alone, it all comes crashing back in a big wave. I've tried distracting myself, but I just keep losing interest in everything.

I'm physically ill, I have IBS, and possibly Fibromyalagia, so it's safe to say that I have a hard time getting through every day without either being stuck in the washroom, or being in constant pain.

Because of this, I miss days of school often, and thus my grades drop. I am repeating the tenth grade once more, this will be my second time repeating it, and I'm constantly worried that I'll just fail again. What's the point of trying when you know you're going to fail in the end anyways?

Because of my worries, I tend to push people away, so I hardly have any friends. As I grow older, and learn to cope with these problems, making new friends becomes harder and harder. I'm mature enough that if people didn't see my face, they would guess I'm in my thirties or higher. It's hard being a seventeen year old in classes with fifteen year olds, and I can hardly ever pick good topics for projects because the class would be 'too young to bear with it.'

I can't get motivated to do anything anymore. All I want to do is just be free of pain, for one day, and just live a normal life.
Sekashi Sekashi
18-21, F
Sep 9, 2012