Life Has Become Comfortably Numb

I am suffering from depression for the past 18 months. Everything I do is like a drag to me; I don’t feel the purpose or motivation to do anything. I don’t even feel the need to live anymore as I find no reason to do so. I don’t care if I die tomorrow or any day. There are so many thoughts that cross my mind that I am literally confused about what I am doing. I don’t care about most of the things, I don’t care if someone dies or the world is coming to an end. Nothing really bothers me. However sometimes I feel emotions but these feelings are gradually fading away, it seems like I am going to be emotionally numb and the worst part is that i don’t like myself getting out of this situation as I like to remain numb, free from the burden of pain, happiness, joy and fear etc. It feels like I understand the whole meaning of the world when i am free of these emotions. These emotions are a deception to a human being they guide you to do things. Instead a person should be guided by his logic and intellect.
I wasn’t like this 18 months before I was like a normal guy like everyone but due to certain changes over a long period of time has made me like this. I live in a little conservative family and society. Though I don’t rebel (cuz I don’t like to) but I generally don’t like the way they guide me. My parents never connected emotionally with me, neither do i have friends. I was always kind of loner (I like being loner) for most of the life cuz I never connected with anyone and neither do i have any common interests with anyone. Everyone at my age groups have interests in girls, **** and other stuffs but the very thought of that disgusts me. Everything i do is guided by reasons and proper logics, I don’t believe in God, an atheist and perhaps this is one of the major reasons that I don’t connect with my parents. My interest are observing the nature and listening to music. It feels like life is worth living because of these two things only. I feel like I am trapped like a bird here cuz I hate it here the people, the environment, the pollution, the population, the heat everything makes me sick to the stomach often I become frustrated living here. I want to fly away from here to some place beautiful somewhere where there will be less people and I will be surrounded by Mother Nature all the time. Does anyone feel like this?

everythingvoid everythingvoid
18-21, M
4 Responses Sep 12, 2012

Yes

I so hear what you're saying dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me.

Yes.