Tired Of Feeling Depressed

I have been depressed for a long time, since i was in my early teen. I do not really know the reason "why". I used to think about suicide a lot when i was younger because i always thought that life was a waste of time. We do all that we do for WHAT? Seemed to me that nobody was really happy, we struggle everyday, there is always a problem or situation to overcome.

The reasons why we hang on to life I do not know. I went on anyway hoping that things would clarify themselves with time, but i am more confused than before. i feel so tired, i have no motivation, i do not even have the strength to speak sometimes. My friends and family expect so much from me (and i know i can do so much), but i am not sure i can go on. i give them hints of my depression but they brush it off (it's the same things they always say, "you'll be fine" "just get some rest").

I afraid to ask for medical help because i do not want my family and friends to think that i am weak. i have always showed a strong front, always played the role of the perfect gentleman who always has the right answer to the point where i do not even know who i am anymore ( even the way i speak changes depending on the person i am talking to).

I am in my early thirties now and i really hope that things can still change for me. I don't want to feel exhausted all the time, i don't want to isolate myself anymore, i want to stop messing up my relationship, i want to get to know the real me.

i am thankful for finding this site because i was feeling really bad today, i don't think that i want to kill myself but i just do not have the will to live.
konan81 konan81
31-35, M
1 Response Sep 14, 2012

No matter what anyone thinks you deserve to get treated for this illness. I will probably not get any better on it's own. You need to do it for yourself so you can finally get some relief.

Do what's best for you.