Is This God?

My first "crush" or little boyfriend I had in 2nd grade was a black haired, blue-green eyed, olive skinned boy.

After fifth grade, I went to a predominantly black school, where I had the worst time fitting in. I got made fun of, called anorexic, and no boys liked me, no girls wanted to be my friend. My home life was extremely terrible, and depression, suicide, and self-harm kicked in.

High school wasn't much better, even though I was an established artist and cheerleader in a big, heavily athletic school. My interests were primarily on white guys, my dream always being that of my first crush: black wavy or curly hair, blue or green eyes, and olive skin. However, athletics was another plus I dreamed of.

My family life depleted into a bloody, tear-filled messes where the climax was 11th grade year. That year I did embrace more beauty, but of course I had no one interested in me, being black, and not really promiscuous or outgoing.

My sister and I escaped on a train to Alabama with our mother's side of family, learning then, at 17, that my father had been convicted of manslaughter about her death, because pleaded guilty for a lesser charge. It was a do or die time, literally, before we escaped, and something pushed me to take the risk.

In a beautiful, happy environment, I slowly mended myself. Depression does not go away, and I noticed I really had it. But still, I continue to this day to try and be a batter person, inside and out.

My new school was small, and instantly my sister and I became famous for being beautiful, smart, Northerners. I got too much attention from black guys, and not really much from white guys again. My depression would kick in, but I would fight it back, not letting more than a few days of miserableness go by.

All of a sudden, an incredibly funny, sweet guy pushed himself into my life. He is infamous for being a class clown, and famous for being a great football player, and a twin.

He fell amazingly in love with me, to my amazement. I wanted to push him away so bad, save him from wasted time, from hurting by me not being able to love him back...but I didn't. I took a chance, not expecting much.

Turns out, he is a godsend. He knows about 75% of my past, which is 65% more than I would tell a best friend. He still loves me. He endures all my mood swings, my resistances, my cold-heartedness. He still loves me. He showers me with gifts that have sentimental meaning to me, no matter how expensive, though I never ask. He still loves me. He wanted to wait until marriage. I wanted to wait until marrriage...He still loves me.

He was my first kiss, my first make out, my first date, my first love.
He has black-brown wavy hair. Eyes that change color between light blue and green. Beautiful olive skin. He loves athletics and keeping himself in good physical condition. He is absolutely funny and cherishes good music...

It all hit me one day.

This is God. This is God.

I am giving my virginity to this angel, my ultimate form of appreciation for the miraculous gift God has given me.
Gallileigha Gallileigha
18-21, F
Sep 14, 2012