My Life

I dont know what caused my depression. im 15 and i dont want to live the rest of my life like this. Ever since i got it my whole life has changed. I feel so hopeless and like a complete waste of space. I get sad for no reason at all and a posotive thought doesnt even cross my mind. its so hard to get myself out of bed in the mornings. Ive lost all motivation and hope. I hate living like this just wondering if im ever gonna be happy like i used to be..
I'm not happy at school,i ahte evryone and when most kids are all like 'i can't wait to go home!' i dont feel that at all. Im not happy at school, and im not happy at home. I hate it. I feel like i have no one to talk to, no one that understands. My mum had depression and my sister has it now but i dont feel like i can open up to them. I feel like the whole worlds moving and im just standing still.
At night time i always find myself crying myself to sleep half the time for no reason what so ever. Sometimes i pray that i wont wake up. But it never happens and then i have to face life for another day.
A few years ago when mum had depression and my sister had it, (although she still does) i counld never understand it. They would just cry over what seemed to be the smalllest things or even for no reason and i never honestly thought it was that bad. Until i got it. I dont think anyine understands how bad it actually is until they get it.
Im so unhappy i dont even know what to do anymore. nothing goes right for me. I feel trapped. I've lost all my energy and i have no one to talk to about this. If i tried i wouldnt even know where to start.
I feel as though the world hates me and i've started to hate myself.
i believe everything happens for a reason but honestly what reason is this! no one deserves to feel like this!
I need to talk to someone about this but if someone asks me whats wrong i jst say im tired. It's hard to answer the question 'what's wrong?' when nothing is right.
I dont just feel sad anymore, everything has piled up and gotten so much worse.
Nothing fun or exciting like it used to be, id give anything to feel that way again.
I mean i don't even feel like a person. I feel like this thing that just walks around for no reason, a waste of space that nobody cares about. I dont even care about myself anymore..
Never in my life have i felt so lost. I feel like a rock or something. that just sits there and no body cares about or even takes recognition of. They just walk past it.
Depression hasn't just changed the way i feel, it's changed me.
I hate being at school, i hate being at home. I hate being anywhere. I hate living like this.
pokemon122 pokemon122
1 Response Sep 14, 2012

this sounds exactly how I used to be! it's so important that you tackle it now! mine got so out of hand that I self-harmed and overdosed 3 times, it wasn't worth it! now I'm not affraid to admit it and I'm not ashamed of it but it's caused so much struggling in my life! everyone else I know has had it so easy and they just get on with their lives but with me I have the painful burden of my past that is always there and I have to always make sure that all that stays under control now which is really hard to deal with. it you get help with it now then it could be easy for it to be gone. no one's saying you're mental or anything like that but it's good to admit when you could use a little help from a professional in life. contact you're local doctor and tell them as much as you can and they should be able to sort everything out for you. try and see what support is available for you in your area and take action now. don't just put it to the side and say it'll be fine because it WILL get worse if you don't do something about it. but if you get rid of it now (sounds impossible, i know) then that feeling could be gone forever. hope this helps!