Long Days

There are days when i dont want to wake up, or get out of bed, or even speak to anyone. Like i dont even want to turn on the lights. But im still at high school so i have to. When im at school i guess having all the people around me and the work helps take my mind off of it, but then when nobody talks to me and im left alone it all comes back. I try to be happy for everyone, when im at my girlfriends house, and we just lie together, she always knows if im feeling depressed but ive gave up on trying to talk about it. Shes better than me, and doesnt deserve to get hit with all my boring depressing talk. Its worse at night when i come home and look back on my day, notice all the little things that happened, how i mean nothing to most people, how they would be better off if i was out their lives. So i just sit in my house now. Listening to music, trying to not be weak, trying to prove to myself that this will get better, when i know it wont. I Dont talk about, if i say i feel like i should be dead then my girlfriend just gets scared and worries even more. Ive stopped cutting now, and started trying to express myself on EP but i still feel empty. I cant change anything now its too late, but i just want to make sure my girlfriend is ok. Its the only thing that really keeps me going
Sexydeath Sexydeath
18-21, M
2 Responses Sep 16, 2012

I have depression as well and I know its hard to believe that people care, but they do. Your girlfriend cares about you. Sometimes we go through rough times just to help someone else. My daughter tried to commit suicide several times & I don't know how to help or what has caused this. I know school can be really difficult, school is a lot harder these days compared to my days. I hope you start talking to someone that you can trust, maybe a counsellor. You have a great future, keep pushing on you never know what's coming round the corner.

I'm glad u have some type of support. I honestly know how u feel. Im not gonna tell u "we all go through it" n "it'll get better" cuz I hate when people tell me that. What I can say is that if ur willing to try to make things better...things will change. I'm working on trying to get a new perspective on life and my issues, maybe u should try the same. It seems silly but looking through different eyes and mind frame will get you different emotions and let u deal with things differently. Like I said I'm going thru the same and I'm not gonna lie its hard and everyday I struggle. But if nobody else cares YOU have to care. I'm glad u stop hurting yourself and I def hope u never start again. I hope EP is ur new outlet and if not anything but drugs, alcohol, and self pain will do the trick. Become addicted to making a stronger better you. ...i hope this helps...msg me if u ever need to chat.