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My Depression

I have battle with depression since i was 12 years old. I got abused when i was 9 by someone i considered a good trusting person. At ten years old my dad walked out not wanting to live with us anymore. That devestated me he left at christmas the time when i thought christmas was meant to be a happy time. From those two traumatic events for me i started to struggle big time with depression. At first until i was 12 years old i acted like anormal kid. That the abuse and my dad leaving had never happened. I pretened every nigt that my dad was coming home but i would be asleep by the time he came in and gone to work when i woke up. It was only as i turned 12 that images of my abuse started to affect me and i relized my dad was never coming home. This is when my depression started badly. Everynight i would cry and cry at school i had started to be bullied and things were to much. When i was 12 i started to self harm everyday and bottle up all my emotions and felings. All ican remeber is having to be stron and pretend that i was fine when i was dying inside. As the years went on my depression just became worse. I turned to drugs, smoking and drink. In all this time no-one really knew what was going on. They just saw me attention seeking and a lier they never saw my depresson. I have tried throughout these years to even comit suicide becasue of how bad my depression got. When i was sixteen however i decided i had had enough. I went to the doctors and asked for help the most hardest things is asking for help. I manged to change my life completly im now such a differnt person but i still live with depression everyday of my life. I always think about how i would be better of not living and going back as it were to my old ways. GHowver i promised my ex i would never harm myself or do anything bad again and i intend to keep that promise i will have depression forever i just hope i can learn to fight it forever.
lylkitkat lylkitkat 16-17, F Sep 23, 2012

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