I Fell Trapped
I have been battling depression since I was at least 12 years old. When I turned 14, I was prescribed Zoloft and was almost admitted to the phyc floor of my local hospital because of a threat to kill myself I made to my psychologist. The Zoloft didn't help, the symptoms kept coming back but only stronger I didn't feel like myself anymore. I really don't know to this day, where my depression stems from. My mom and dad were not really around for me, and I was raised by my other family members mainly my aunt instead. However, I don't like using absentee parents as an excuse. At age 15, I stared experimenting with pot it gave me a feeling of being on clouds I did not even care about anything or anyone anymore. However, depression always was in the shadows no matter how much pot I smoked. When my high was over, I felt like I wanted to kill myself again. I stared to become angrier and more annoyed at everything. I lashed out at my family and my friends. I ran away from home twice. While I ran away, I smoked pot heavier, hung out, and had sexual relations with older men. I did not fell like myself at all I wanted more from life. I decided to have my doctor take me off the med since it did nothing for me and I was not re prescribed anything after that. While I ran away I was caught stealing from a local Walgreen but was released with no record. I felt as though I hit rock bottom. My family did not want me back in their house and do not blame them for it at all. Nevertheless, all the situations that I put myself in and all the circumstances that happened to me just made me even more depressed and it made me want to end my life even more. At age 15, my mother received custody of me. I knew that she had an alcohol problem but I felt as though she would be to drunk to even care about what I was doing.
I wanted to run free and do what ever I pleased. Instead, I was verbally and even physically abused by her. Soon after that last physical abuse incident my grandmother let me stay until my aunt received custody of me, which she still has until this day. I moved to Kentucky and was doing ok for year. But I don’t know what happened but I went right back to my ways. I stared lying to my aunt more I ran away to my boyfriends house, almost was pregnant. And the depression symptoms came rushing back to me once again now my last resort of staying with my aunt has vanished I disappointed her to no end. Now she dose not trust me or anything all because of my stupidity. Since I’ve been living in Kentucky I have been doing even harsher drugs than just pot. I’ve snorted Add, oxi’s, perkasets and inhaled duster. I still feel depressed and low I’ve tried to find the lord but I still have not fully understood it. I’ve burned all of my bridges and have no place to go after my aunt kicks me out in may I’m in my senior year of high school and have been having pretty good grades hopefully I will be attending Northern Kentucky University but have been stressed about how to pay for my college education. I want help I don’t want to go to college tagging along the same problems I’ve been battling for years.
I want to tell my aunt I’m battling depression again but I just don’t want her to think it’s just an accuse.