Yuck

I'm a diagnosed bipolar dude but I sway much more to the depressive side.  I have only gotten really manic in the past when I've drank and used a lot of drugs.  I'm currently sober and have been for 3 months other than smoking pot once a week or so.  I'm off meds and doing relatively well.  I am somewhat depressed but I've been much worse for sure.  I go around feeling like I'm doing nothing with my life right now and that I should be doing so much more but just don't have the energy.  I've been trying to quit smoking cigarettes for a long time but since I'm only recently sober it's hard to let it go.  I would really like to though because they bring my energy level down and that is not good for a depressed person. 
ReformedAutomaton ReformedAutomaton
41-45, M
10 Responses May 11, 2007

Thank you sweetheart. That is very kind. I wrote this story a couple of years ago and have come a long way but I still deal with depression, bipolar, and addiction. I'm sober but it is something I have to give attention to and have to deal with cravings.

I know how you feel. And if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here.

Thanks, yeah it will come in due time

Hey thanks Warmth. I've had two major manic episodes. One in 1998 and again in 2006. I do have a more mild form of bipolar than some but I hit some pretty heavy lows. I've just got to avoid using when I get to those lows. I don't think I could ever have manic episodes like those I experienced if I am not using. Oh and I did quit smoking for two months but started again a month ago. I'm not ready yet.

Thanks, I appreciate that :-)

I agree that many people don't understand what it's like to be depressed. I have dealt with it my whole life. I can't remember a time growing up when I wasn't. I have taken meds off and on through the years, but they seem to not work as well anymore. It sounds like you're off to a good start. I know some days are worse than others, so don't get discouraged. I wish you good luck with future relationships!

good for you!

Yeah, I've dealt with the same crap. People that have never experienced depression do tend to believe that depressed people "choose" to be that way. I say "screw them". They are ignorant and they can just remain that way as far as I'm concerned. Relationships are my biggest problem as well. I'm trying to learn to love myself more b/c depression has made me hate myself (at least subconsciously). And no one can love me unless I love myself, I do believe that. That's pretty much what I'm working on these days and I think it's working a little. I feel a little more comfortable around people when I know that I love myself and even if this person doesn't, it won't change me. I refuse to let others expectations of me affect me anymore.

I'm bipolar too, but much more depressed than manic. I've been on meds forever and don't respond well with them. The worst part of depression is relationships, people don't understand. I have social anxiety too and don't like to participate in parties and things. Everyone then thinks I'm antisocial. Even though I try to make people aware of my depression they act like it is my choice to be this way. Believe me it is not! I wish you luck with your journey!

Yeah, I've tried to take the meds but I end up more miserable on them than I was before. Well, I've always been a little shy but when depression set in at 18 I became much more so. I'm 31 and haven't had a girlfriend in 10 years. I'm not some grotesque looking dude either. I guess I am just undesirable in my behavior which only makes me more depressed. It's a really sick cycle which I don't think meds will help in any way. Psychotherapy, yes. Meds, no.