I Gave Up Last Night But I Couldnt Get What I Wanted

Feeling empty, worthless, alone, without friends, down, thats how i felt last night, i still feel depressed. so as i was feeling so angry and down i bought Sedoxil, i bought 10 of them, and as it makes me sleepy and make me relax, i took it all of them, and wrote a note, telling that i would be free. but when i started to feel weak on my bed, mom went into my room and asked why i was on bed so early, i couldnt avoid it, so i started crying. then she saw the note. my family took me to the hospital. stayed some hours there, but the doctor said thanks GOD nothing happen. but he said i would feel sleepy, and its true, i have been sleeping the whole night, and i just woke up today. doctor said i need to talk with an specialist. grand mom asked crying why i did it. i just said the true: there is not sense. she made me promise that i wont do the same and she took all the medicine i had. so here i come today, waiting to see if i can find the sense in this life...
thenewmisslunallena thenewmisslunallena
22-25, F
4 Responses Nov 5, 2012

How are you lately?

i am better, thanks, trying to over come every hard situation:)

If your mom found you on time laying in that bed, that is telling you something. Maybe is not your time to go. The problem is I don't know if I have the right words to make you see there is more in life and you haven't lived long enough to experience all the good things you will enjoy in the future. I'm glad to read you are okay and still reading your stories, hope to hear some good news. *hugs*

I suffer from depression, anxiety, bi-polar and PTSD (I'm a U.S. Navy veteran). I see a V.A. psychiatrist who has me on some terrific meds. for me and has the meds. twiked right so that I'm pretty stable. I tell you all this to say I fully understand and that nothing is impossible if you just reach out and get help and it also is a great help if you have a support network like I do. My support network is my wife, psychiatrist. family and friends. I also pray a lot which has been the biggest help to me. If you ever want to talk PLEASE let me know and what is said STAYS between us.

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. There have been many times I wonder what it would be like if I wasn't here, as many times, I feel like I didn't matter to many people other than my mom and my grandmother.

However, despite my thoughts about such things, I've never tried to end it all for three reasons. 1) when ever I thought about it, I could never think of anyway that would not hurt me in someway - which let me know that I appreciate myself more than I though and 2) there are some people that care about me. And 3) despite my downward spirals in feelings sometimes and feeling hopeless, I've realized these feelings are temporary, as there have been many times I feel happy and on top of the world, even when I am alone- when I read, when I do some art work that I am positively proud of, when I (regardless of how few the opportunities are) am able to help someone, I realize that even though I don't posse of friends that I do everything with, talk to all the time, and am not like many of the people my age- impulsive, hedonistic, and what-not,

...that I have so many great talents, aspects (introspective and perceptiveness), and great blessings (great health, able-bodiedness) that I would be carelessly giving up if I were to leave for some unknown. There are so many people in worse conditions who continue to live and push on every day in this world.

Finally, I think about the long way I came from being a little girl- a quiet, little, girl that was guarded and scared of failure to a young woman that is fully aware of all of her faults, as well as her strengths and makes progress towards being her ideal and best self-possible every day. :D I still have my down moments, but I no longer think those thoughts. I know that I cam the creator of my destiny and that one day, everything's gonna be fine.

So when you get down, its time to put things into perspective.
Realize that most likely, what you are worrying about is temporary, will get better; remember your own life and progress you made to get to where you are right now; and that so many people hold on to life with much less... and so can you. :)

You are a work in progress- don't quit now. <3 *hugs*