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Tired

So tired of feeling alone. Should really go and see a doctor but i am hoping i can pull myself out of this downward spiral. Its late for me and i know i have to get up to the kids in the morning yet i still can't seem to close my eyes. Swore i would never live at home with my parents yet here i am. Its nice to have some company but when they all go to bed i am left with a flat phone and my wandering thoughts. I wish i could say that it wasn t a man/boy that did this to me but alas it was. Have to put on a brave face for the kids, no more tears. He gets to escape, i can t break down. Where do i turn when it all gets to much i have to get up to the kids everyday why aren t i allowed to let anyone see me fall to pieces. They all think i am so strong but i am dying inside. It took so much strength to walk away and even more to stay away. I am ashamed of myself for letting him to get to me so much. Maybe this is a new begining or the point where i fall apart completely. To many broken hearts soon their will be nothing left to break.
zellbella zellbella 26-30, F 2 Responses Nov 8, 2012

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It will take a lot of time for these wounds to heal but look at how far you've come already, you managed to gather the strength to walk away. Don't be ashamed for letting him get to you, we all do things we regret, but at least you're doing something about it!=) That's something you should be proud of. I think this could really be a new beginning for you and your kids. Just keep on holding on for yourself and for them and someday you will be able to look back to this period as a good decission! x

A man broke my heart too. He left me with nothing but shattered dreams. Unfortunately Im not strong enough to hold it together. My poor child has been thru hell watching depression take over my entire being. Im not ashamed though. My love is pure & genuine. Im just hurt that someone i love so much could break me down to such a dark place. Well dine for holding it together for your babies. I wish I was that strong.