Turning Darkness Into Light...

Hi.  I'm new to this group and I have battled major depression off and on since I was 13.  I have been fighting the biggest battle with my depression over the last 6 years.  It is has been a lonely, frightening, isolating sub-existence.  However, through my progress in coming to terms with the causes, triggers, and down-times, I have discovered a new strength within myself as well as new interests and talents I did not know I had.  I have described my depression in metaphorical terms to those closest to me in an effort to help them understand better what I am experiencing.  Often I feel like someone standing on the outside of everything and everyone around me, wanting to be a part of, included in, etc., but at the same time feeling numb and pulled back into a space of malignant despair that I find hard to describe in words.  Through the help of an incredible psychologist, a loving husband and the support of friends, I'm slowly beginning to "feel" again and interact again with others.  I would like to talk with others here who have had to struggle with, live with depression and learn how they, you, have learned to cope and recover...
Ianna Ianna
36-40, F
2 Responses May 14, 2007

Thank you for sharing your story and welcome. <br />
It is a very isolating illness. It's full of pain and like you I feel very much that I am on the outside looking in or the inside looking out. I'm still debating that one. <br />
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I find solace in knowing I am not alone and that others share in those parts of me that I always felt were mine and mine alone. Those parts that I use to feel were bad or not loveable or acceptable. <br />
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It feels good to feel again. Amen to that. <br />
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I hope that someday we will all be healed. <br />
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Blessings,<br />
<br />
PiscesDream

well written,<br />
<br />
I don't really know when I first started to battle depression. I guess it started In the military for me If I had to narrow it down. I like to see myself as a kind soul. Some things I had done while serving really had torn apart my soul. I became quite reserved and soft spoken after I discharged. I had normally been a take charge kind of person and I had really lost me drive. It took me awhile before I started to open up and that was really only to family members. It has been kinda the same for quite awhile now. I still haven't come to terms with myself but I am working it through self management.